5 Revelations That Turned “Not Joining” Into My Big Advantage
By Greg Scheinman
Some guys are made for the big ballrooms, the team chants, the Zoom meetups. Me? Not so much.
It took me a long time to realize that not being a joiner isn’t a flaw of mine. It’s a method for clarity. A few weeks ago, I was on a call about a group event. I was on the fence. The guy on the other end, successful by every metric, said flatly:
“I’m not a joiner.”
No apology. No shame. Just self-awareness. And in that moment, I exhaled.
Me neither.
For years I kept signing up, showing up, plugging in — because that’s what I thought I was supposed to do. But it never fit. Here's what I've come to believe:
5 Things I Know Now
1. You don’t have to join to belong.
Connection doesn’t have to come with a nametag or a group hug.
2. It’s okay to prefer depth over spectacle.
I’ll take a one-on-one walk or a small dinner over a giant room of handshakes any day.
3. Energy is a currency — spend it wisely.
I protect mine. That’s not selfish. That’s sustainable.
4. Being introverted doesn’t mean being invisible.
I can lead. I can speak. I can own the room. Then I want to go home.
5. Authenticity beats conformity every time.
Just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean I need to.
No Shame, No Shade
If you love the big group experience? Amazing. Truly. I admire that.
But I admire something else just as much — maybe even more:
The guys who quietly, confidently do their thing. No need for the crowd. No need for the credit. No need to pretend they care about some stranger’s problems or to offload their own on a person they just met at the latest retreat.
Look, at the end of the day, being a “joiner” or not isn’t a zero sum game. Maybe you won’t join 99% of groups but there’s one you’d genuinely enjoy. Or maybe you join every group under the sun and only say no to certain types. That’s your call.
What I’m talking about is the pressure (both from the outside and internally) to join the next group or event or “brotherhood”.
I admit I felt that pressure for a long term and found myself saying ‘yes’ to things I regretted the second I got off the plane or stepped foot into the conference room.
No more.
I’m not a joiner.
And now I feel a massive relief knowing that.
In Health,
Greg
Midlife Male
52. Husband. Father. Entrepreneur. Coach. Student of the game.
Still walking the walk.
Making the Rounds
I was recently on the Pay Your Dues podcast with Greg Inglan.
In this episode, I talk about something I believe deeply: Midlife isn’t a crisis — it’s a catalyst.
I challenge the old-school narrative that says this stage of life is about slowing down or giving up. It’s not. It’s about stepping up. I break down the mindset shifts that helped me reframe my own experience, and I share some hard truths — and stats — about the mental health struggles men face in this season of life.
I also dive into the Six F’s — my personal framework for living a balanced, successful life — and explain why surrounding yourself with the right people matters more than ever.
We talk about time, energy, authenticity, and the role the women in our lives play in supporting us through change. This one’s honest, practical, and all about helping you make the next phase of life the best one yet. You can listen here:
P.S., HERE ARE TWO WAYS I CAN HELP YOU TODAY:
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Buy my bestselling book: The Midlife Male: A No-Bullsh*t Guide to Living Better, Longer, Happier, Healthier, and Wealthier and Having More Fun in Your 40s and 50s. Order my book here.
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Get One-on-One Coaching with me. Want more help? I coach a select few men one-on-one. It’s just you and me, talking it through, making a plan, and pushing you toward your next win. No pressure, just progress. Reach out—let’s make it happen, one step at a time. Book your call here.
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