“If anyone shared our group chat we’d all be fired.”
How many times have you thought this while texting another inside joke or ripping on an old college buddy? A million?
I’ve had two separate guys in two totally different friend groups say this to me about their own college friend chat groups in the last week. These are recent friends, so I’m not in their longtime crew, but I’m in several of my own. High school. College. Early 20s friends.
And every guy who is now in his 40s and 50s, and who thankfully went to high school and college before social media and smart phones, is now likely in a group chat where the primary goal is to either A) make grand plans to get together for a golf weekend or Airbnb fishing trip with a 12% success rate, B) rip on each other about stuff from 30 years ago C) talk shit about each other currently, D) bust each other’s balls about real sports, fantasy sports and ex-girlfriends and E) all of the above simultaneously while sharing screen shots and memes that cross every possible PC line to make each other laugh.
In short, it’s just guys being dudes.
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So yes, we’re all one screenshot away from losing it all because our Human Resources-run society demands that nobody should ever be offended, but we don’t care.
As the kids say, ‘fuck it, we ball’.
Why? Because if you’re lucky enough to have a solid group of guy friends for 30 or 40 years, you have become unoffendable.
These are the guys who knew you in your freshman dorm. Or were in your pledge class. Or who let you crash on their couch for months when you moved to a new city.
You were boys when you were broke. You were boys when you got in stupid fights. You were boys when you took home the ugly chick. When you puked in the bar. Or your car. Or their car. When you got dumped. When you slept in your car in Vegas. When the ATM ate your card. When you had contests to see who could eat the most .99 burritos at Taco Bell.
These guys have seen you at your lowest and least confident. They have material on you for ten lifetimes. You’ve ripped on each other’s insecurities for decades: gross hook-ups, big noses, bad hairlines, dumb haircuts, stupid phases, ugly clothes, shitty cars, cheap apartments, crossed eyes, an extra nipple… whatever.
When you’re close enough with your buddies, everything is fair game.
And since everything is fair game, nothing is offensive.
And since nothing is offensive to the guys in a group chat, it exists entirely outside of the norms of society. There are no rules about what you can and cannot say because there are no rule makers. There’s just dudes who have been friends for damn near 40 years, which means all barriers are gone.
When barriers are gone, you can be yourself without worrying about anything. If one of you goes down, you all go down. It’s the most freeing feeling in the world – an HR-free, politically correct-free zone of pure humor. It’s like an old school digital version of your high school football locker room.
So long live our over-the-line, completely off the rails, you-wouldn’t-understand-the-joke text chains!
Now go text that inappropriate joke that would put you in human resources purgatory with your company but will put you in the hall of fame with your friends. That’s what we’re here for.
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Jon Finkel
Editor-in-Chief, Midlife Male
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Check out my latest books at jonfinkel.com
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