One of the things I’ve learned after years of coaching men and interviewing high performers is that you can usually tell who’s got their life pointed in the right direction.
Not because they’re rich. Not because they’ve got a big job. Not because they’ve got six-pack abs or drive a particular car or wear certain clothes.
There’s just something about them.
The way they carry themselves. The way they spend their time. The way they move through the world. You get the sense that they’re operating with intention instead of simply reacting to whatever the day throws at them.
I was reminded of that Sunday morning while walking my dogs.
Before my workout, the garage door was about to roll up at 9:30. A few friends were coming over to join, like they do most Sundays when I’m in town. I was just leaving to take my dogs for a walk and I passed one of my neighbors.
He’s a guy I see on my walks all the time, but I don’t even know his name. He’s got a cute dog. The dog’s name is Gigi. That much I know. No idea why or how. I’ve got my two poorly behaved animals. They’re equally cute, though.
He was walking with a weight vest on. Barefoot.
I’ve noticed it before and I appreciate the commitment. The guy is clearly intentional about training and strengthening his feet. It’s one of those things you don’t see very often, but when you do, you know somebody put some thought into it.
I said good morning.
He said, “Happy Sunday.”
Then I blurted out, “Hey, we’re getting started at 9:30 this morning in the garage if you want to join.”
Not sure where that came from. We haven’t even formally introduced ourselves and I’m not the kind of guy to just invite strangers over, but it just popped out.
And he said, “I’ve seen y’all getting after it. I’d love to drop in one day. I’m going to church this morning. Rain check.”
And he kept walking his way. I kept walking mine.
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Since then, I’ve thought about why I spontaneously invited the guy to my house to workout. And why his response was so casual and cool.
Here was a guy who confidently had a plan for his day.
He got up early. Grabbed his vest and the dog leash and made sure he got his walk in before going to church. He had a plan and priorities on a Sunday morning. I respect the hell out of that.
One of the things I say a lot is that we attract and repel exactly what we deserve. Maybe that’s why I felt comfortable offering the invitation in the first place. Whether I know him or not, I perceive him as a like-minded guy.
Good shape. Nice house (I walk by it every day). Family man. Dog owner. Weight vest wearer. Barefoot walker.
He checks a lot of the boxes.
As I’ve continued to think about it, I know why I invited him over.
It wasn’t really the weight vest. It wasn’t the barefoot walking thing either. It wasn’t his house, his dog, or the fact that he was headed to church.
It was the overall picture.
The guy had a certain presence about him. Not in some mystical, self-help, “energy” sort of way. He just seemed like someone who was paying attention to his life.
We’ve all met people like that. Sometimes you spend thirty seconds around them and immediately get the sense that they have standards. They take care of themselves. They take care of the things around them. They know what matters to them and they make decisions accordingly. They aren’t necessarily richer, smarter, or more successful than everyone else. They simply appear to be operating with intention.
That’s what I picked up from him.
The invitation wasn’t really about fitness. The garage workout just happened to be the vehicle. What I was actually doing was inviting someone into my life who seemed to share a lot of the same values. Guys who prioritize their health. Guys who are trying to improve. Guys who understand that midlife isn’t something that happens to you. It’s something you actively shape.
My instinct was that he’d fit right in.
The older I get, the more convinced I am of the old adage that “like attracts like”.
It’s true in friendships. It’s true in business. It’s true in relationships. It’s true in the kinds of people who naturally gravitate toward us and the kinds of people who don’t.
When I was younger, I thought chemistry was mostly luck. Now I think a lot of it comes down to standards and shared behaviors. The guy who works out notices the other guy who works out. The father who’s deeply involved with his family notices the other father who’s doing the same thing. The entrepreneur notices the entrepreneur. The reader notices the reader.
We recognize parts of ourselves in other people.
That’s why certain friendships happen almost instantly while others never seem to get off the ground. You don’t need years of conversation to pick up on someone’s habits, priorities, and level of intentionality. Most of the time, people are broadcasting it whether they realize it or not.
Which brings me to the uncomfortable part.
What are you broadcasting?
If somebody passed you on a sidewalk tomorrow morning, what would they see? What conclusions would they draw? Would they see someone who’s engaged in his life? Someone who has a plan? Someone who is moving toward something meaningful?
Maybe that’s why this interaction stuck with me more than it should have.
It wasn’t really about the barefoot guy. It was about recognizing something in him that I value. Discipline. Intentionality. Standards. A sense that he had decided how he wanted to spend his Sunday morning and wasn’t going to be pulled in twenty different directions.
A weighted walk with his dog. Church. Family.
Done.
There’s something admirable about men who have that kind of clarity. The guys who have it tend to stand out. Even when they’re barefoot, walking a dog named Gigi.
In Health,
Greg Scheinman
Founder, Midlife Male
Husband. Father. Entrepreneur. Coach.
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