Why Routines From Your 30s Are Secretly Wrecking Your 40s & 50s (And How to Stop)

“Just because something works, doesn’t mean it’ll work forever.”

This feels like a famous quote from a famous thinker, but it isn’t. I can’t find its origins anywhere and maybe it’s close to a movie line I can’t quite remember so if it is, hit us up and let us know. Until then, let’s just roll with it because it’s true and it speaks to an increasingly common issue I’ve talked about with friends around our age – and that’s the idea that after 40 we have to actively assess why we do what we do.

In particular, how we structure our days.

When was the last time you sat down and really thought about your day?

Why do you wake up at the time you do? Why do you workout when you do? When did you decide what your average bedtime would be?

When you really think about it, you’re likely to stumble on this fact: you never actually think about it – or at least you haven’t in a long time. Also, the answer to many of these questions is uncomfortable. 

Why? 

Because most likely you didn’t decide any of them, they just sorta happened as you played life defense as a midlife male.

What’s life defense?

Life defense is when your day-to-day schedule is structured around the onslaught of obligations that come your way during a given day as a dad, boss, husband, etc… That’s life. 

The defense is how you slot your priorities in around these things.

When you’re a young, single guy, you build your life on offense: “This is what I want to do and when I want to do it. Done.”

Then, as you get into your 30s and you’ve got a wife, kids, more responsibilities at work, you build your day on defense: “There are some things I don’t have time for anymore and here is where I can do the things that matter most to me.”

Rarely, if ever, do these two schedules look anything alike. Ha!

And so you adapt and adopt.

For me, exercise has always been a priority and once I had kids in my early 30s, I realized that just about the only way I could make sure I got in an hour of uninterrupted exercise, where I didn’t feel rushed, where someone wasn’t waiting for me, where work or the kid’s activities wouldn’t mess it up, was if I woke up super early to workout.

I tried lifting at lunch, but it was a disaster. There was always a last minute call or a conversation someone had to have or worse, a meeting moved back or added to the day, which left me all jacked up on pre-workout, having to sit still in some conference room I didn’t want to be in with nowhere to go – not a recipe for success.

Post-work lifting sessions weren’t gonna happen because of my commute and because of the kids’ daycare and after dinner workouts didn’t fit because I wanted to spend time with my wife and kids.

So that left early mornings. 

Up at 5:15AM and in the garage gym (which I built for this purpose over time) from 5:30AM to 6:30AM.

In the beginning, I hated it.

But once my body adjusted, I loved it.

And so I woke up at 5:15AM to exercise 4-5 days of the week for over a decade. For a while I’d even get up at 4:45AM to join the local Masters Swim Team for practices one or two days a week. Early mornings became my thing.

It was uninterrupted. It was my time. It was glorious. All I needed was a cup of coffee or energy drink around 11AM and I’d be fine the rest of the day.

Then, recently, after I turned 45, it became a struggle.

Slowly, at first, then day-to-day.

After popping out of bed for 10 years easily, I couldn’t drag my ass out. I did, of course, but my workouts sucked and I was exhausted by 10AM. And after any morning caffeine wore off, I wanted more than anything to nap at 1PM or 2PM. It was odd. I felt old. I felt like something was wrong. I had zero energy once 3PM hit.

I work from home, so occasionally I’d lay down at 2PM and I’d crash for 30 minutes… and I’d wake up and feel better, but not great. Also, there was no way naps were going to be my permanent solution at 46.

So I did the usual Googling and listening to the pods we all listen to: Attia, Ferriss, whoever…

I found the “alpha” pills and the testosterone supplements and whatever else was supposed to “boost energy” and “improve focus” and tried each for a month or two here and there and nothing worked.

Then, one morning, I was walking the dog talking about this to a neighbor friend of mine and after I said, “it’s like my body is rebelling against waking up so early.”

He casually asked, “Why do you get up that early to lift anyway? You work from home.”

And it hit me: 

When I started the early morning lifting routine I was 34-years-old and I had a 40-minute drive to work. My kids were still toddlers (1 & 2) and I had to change their diapers, get them dressed, make their food, clean up breakfast, get them to daycare and on and on. 

I got up that early because I was playing life defense. Against the kids’ morning. Against my commute. Against the clock.

But now my kids are 13 and 11. And I work from home. I have no commute and other than me telling my son to get out of bed 74 times, they’re pretty self sufficient.

Which begged the question: Why the hell was I still getting up so damned early?????

While I had a perfectly good reason at 34, I had no good reason at 46.

In fact, it no longer made any sense.

Now think about your daily schedule: 

Why do you set your alarm for the time you do? Why do you slot your workouts in when you do? Why do you do the workouts that you do? 

Even more importantly, what did you cut out 10 years ago that you now may have plenty of time for? Or better, how can you rearrange your day to find that time?

I guarantee that upon examination, you’re going to find one, two or three things a week that you’ve been doing forever… simply because you’ve been doing them forever, not because you’ve put any current thought into it.

As for me, after my revelation, I switched things up immediately…

The next morning I set my alarm for 6:30 instead of 5:15.

I decided I’d work out after my kids were off to school, from 7:30 to 8:30.

Guess what?

After one week of the new workout schedule all of my issues with feeling tired, with having no energy, with wanting to nap: GONE. 

I had been exhausted because my circadian rhythms changed a little. I’m older now. I needed more sleep. And I ignored ALL the signs because I was sticking to a successful blueprint the younger me had developed for a different time in my life.

In short: the routine that was a miracle in my 30s became a disaster in my 40s.

I felt stupid for not seeing it sooner and it reminded me of Occam’s Razor: 

All things being equal, the simplest answer is often the right one.

For me, I wasn’t tired because of a hormone imbalance or lack of a magic supplement or an underlying medical issue or dehydration or too much or too little caffeine.

Nope.

I was tired because I needed more sleep. Couldn’t be simpler. 

Big lesson there.

Jon Finkel is an author and the Editor-in-Chief of Midlife Male. His books have been endorsed by everyone from Mark Cuban, John Cena and Tony Dungy to Spike Lee, Kevin Durant and Chef Robert Irvine. He has written for GQ, Men’s Health, Muscle & Fitness, Yahoo! Sports, The New York Times and more. Follow Jon Finkel on X or Instagram.