Day One: Learning to Fail Forward

The XPT experience began with a simple but powerful premise: “You’re not here to succeed – You’re here to learn how to fail, and then level up.” This isn’t about immediate victory; it’s about getting better at learning itself. In moments of high stress, we were asked to challenge ourselves to return to certain words that ground us.  To become in touch with what we were feeling, experiencing and living in the moment.  Words that entered my mind were: scared, anxious, questioning, imposter. But then I remembered other words: breathe, persevere, and patience. 

I thought of my anchors – family, Auden, Harper, Kate. I reminded myself that I am capable, that this is possible. 

And after all, we’re in paradise.  Everyone here chose to be here.  And pressure is a privilege. 

The morning started with Gabby Reese setting our expectations, followed by team introductions. Then Laird led us through breathwork – a session that would set the tone for what was to come. Laird’s philosophy is beautifully straightforward: no sunglasses, methylene blue eye drops, no sunscreen, natural movement. It’s about stripping away the artificial, returning to what’s real. At 60, he’s a specimen. 

Watching Laird up close, he’s a fascinating contradiction – a really interesting dude who defies easy categorization. There’s something almost nerdy about him, this quirky tinkerer wrapped up in a cool aesthetic. He’s constantly building shit, obsessing over details. You can see his mind working, processing, innovating. And then you remember – this is the same guy who willingly gets dragged into 100-foot waves by a jet ski, choosing to either surf it or die. There’s something beautifully “off” in that brain of his, a unique wiring that most of us can’t quite comprehend. It’s like the extreme precision of his tinkering nature finds its perfect expression in the absolute chaos of giant waves.

Today we took a stunning stand-up paddleboard journey down the river, past Laird and Gabby’s house. Lunch turned into one of those unexpected life moments – sitting alongside Gabby, listening to her talk about family supplements, morning routines, nature, parenting, marriage, and the intricacies of building a business and brand together with your partner. What struck me most was how normal it all felt – just another couple, a few years ahead of me in life, dealing with the same things we all face.

Looking at Laird, it’s impossible not to feel inspired. Here’s a man showing no signs of slowing down, yet talking openly about getting his hip replaced – his second one, the first was 7 years ago. These are the realities of life – aging and evolving but not giving in. There’s a surrender happening, but not to complacency or fear. Even when they talk about slowing down, it’s about down-regulating – not stopping because you can’t, but slowing down so you can do better, do more. It’s about moving smoother, with less stress and anxiety, truly mastering the moment.

The honesty in their relationship dynamics was refreshing. They spoke openly about boundaries and roles – who’s the teddy bear and who’s the enforcer. Gabby tends to let people in more easily, while Laird’s the one who can look someone in the eye and say, “Hey, you can’t come around anymore.” It’s not about ego or arrogance – it’s about security and confidence in knowing who you are.

My life got better today listening to General Josh Rudd over dinner. I finally overcame my negative self-talk and fear of asking questions in public, that nagging worry about being judged for not asking something “good enough.” He referenced Carol Dweck’s book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, and something shifted in me. When a two-star general told me I asked a great question, stopped, paused and got emotional. It hit home – real courage is vulnerability.  Honestly, I don’t even remember the question, I was just so happy to have gotten the courage to ask him a question in front of all these people and I didn’t blow it.  

It’s ironic as I can do this on stage, behind a microphone, on a panel, podcast and in writing every week, in books but when it’s me, just me being me in a small room with people I really admire, it’s so much fucking harder…

Gabby’s words kept echoing in my mind: “Watching people do something that they can’t do, and then they can…that’s the gift.” At 52, in the middle of my life, I was discovering that gift firsthand.

Day Two: The Internal Conversation

Dawn broke over Kauai with breathtaking beauty as we gathered for another morning of breathwork with Laird. As I settled into this experience, I started to understand something deeper about what was really happening here. The premise isn’t what I initially thought – it’s not about the intensity of any single activity, because truthfully, nothing we’re doing is particularly intense in isolation. It’s about mindset, about those creeping thoughts about how we think, our beliefs, our self-talk. The schedule is packed and intentional for a reason. By putting us in this uncomfortable environment, everything gets elevated – our senses, anxiety, stress, the natural pull toward comparison and competition, the constant anticipation of what’s next.

We moved into a High X workout led by Gabby – a series of stations with basic movements, some with weights, some without. Everything was on the clock, but the emphasis wasn’t on how much weight or how many reps. It was all about form, about function over load. The simplicity of it was deceptive.

Returning to the preserve after lunch, where the spectacular pool awaited, I was fighting an internal battle. My stomach was bloated and distended from gorging myself on too much food – despite being explicitly told not to. The negative self-talk started creeping in immediately: I’m not gonna do well. I’m so full. I’m not gonna be able to make it through this with my stomach like this. I can’t believe I ate that much and didn’t listen.

Then came the bargaining, the premature excuses: Don’t worry if it’s not your best day. It’s because you’re so full. You’re not able to move well. It was exactly what PJ had just finished talking to us about at lunch – the trap of negative self-talk, the importance of speaking kindly to yourself. And here I was, literally minutes after his presentation, falling right back into those old patterns. Setting lower expectations. Justifying a poor performance before it even happened. Making excuses for why things weren’t going to go their best.

But this time, something was different. I caught myself. Right there on the side of the pool, I consciously went back to the cues. Back to the coaching queues. Back to the mantras. Back to a better belief system. I looked around at the gorgeous setting and had this moment of clarity: You have another few hours to train with the best of the best. Make the most of it.

PJ’s words echoed in my mind: “Intention drives adaptation.” It hit me then – it’s not just about going through the motions or even about pushing through discomfort. It’s about the purpose behind every movement, every breath, every choice. Our bodies and minds don’t just respond to what we do; they respond to why we do it. 

The XPT pool became the centerpiece of Day Two, and for good reason. It’s what people come for, because this is the workout you simply can’t get anywhere else. The custom pool itself is a marvel of intentional design – 12 feet at its deepest point, with training levels at 4, 8, and ultimately 12 feet in the deep end. I found out later at dinner, in conversation with Gabby, that my progression from shallow to deep end wasn’t random.  

They’d been watching us throughout the experience, assessing abilities and capabilities, strategically assigning groups and formats they believed would serve each person best. It’s all carefully orchestrated to take you just beyond your comfort zone.

Throughout the day, powerful insights kept emerging. “Find what works for you and sharpen those tools” – this wasn’t about copying Laird’s exact routine or mimicking Gabby’s approach perfectly. It was about discovering your own path, your own tools, and honing them to perfection. For me, those simple mantras – “it’s possible” and “just try” – were becoming my sharpened tools. The breathing techniques that resonated with my body, the movement patterns that felt natural to my frame, the mental cues that cut through my particular brand of self-doubt – these were my tools to sharpen.

As the day unfolded, I had this revelation about connection and networking that felt profound in its simplicity: 

Go where you’re interested, and you’ll be interesting – that’s how you connect. That’s how you network. 

Throughout these two days, the deepest conversations and most meaningful connections have happened naturally, simply because we’re all genuinely interested in being here, in learning, in growing. 

A stark truth emerged during our discussions: this is one area where the middle isn’t the sweet spot. Your thoughts are either helping or hindering you. There’s no neutral ground, no comfortable middle way. Each thought either propels you forward or holds you back. It’s a binary choice that we face moment by moment, day by day. This reality strips away the comfort of ambiguity – we can’t hide behind “maybe” or “sort of.” We have to face the simple truth that every thought pattern we maintain is either serving our growth or preventing it.

Day Three: Rediscovering Play

The theme for our final day was play – and it couldn’t have been more perfect. Too often in our lives, we take things so seriously – family, fitness, finance – that we lose sight of the joy. As I reflected on how these last three days mirrored my own journey of growth and transformation, it was refreshing to see that fun wasn’t just included but celebrated as a core pillar of XPT. When we think of the word “extreme,” we usually imagine challenge and difficulty. But here was a reminder that we can apply that same intensity to joy – we should be focused on having an extreme amount of fun.

This philosophy came to life in our final pool session, which transformed into a playful treasure hunt. We were diving for coins thrown into various depths, challenged to accumulate certain amounts of money while managing our breath. There was something profound about combining the technical challenges we’d been working on with pure, childlike fun. We were learning to find joy in the failure as much as the success.

Our beach walk became more than just exercise – it was a moving meditation where we learned from one another, focusing on our breathing, our intentionality, following our breath marks alongside the ocean. Even the sauna and cold plunge took on a different character. Instead of pushing through for mindset training or endurance, we were encouraged to simply enjoy the experience. “Go down the water slide!” they urged. “Be childlike in your approach to everything you do!”

It was a powerful reminder that even in pursuit of extreme performance, even in pushing our boundaries and breaking through limitations, there must be room for play. The serious work of transformation doesn’t always have to feel serious. Sometimes the biggest breakthroughs come when we remember how to laugh, how to play, how to find joy in the journey.

As we boarded the van back to the hotel, there was this sense that we were returning to our everyday lives, but carrying something precious with us. The lessons learned here – and those we continue to learn as we integrate them – would make those everyday lives just a little bit better. The extreme has a way of illuminating the ordinary, showing us how extraordinary it can be when approached with the right mindset, the right breath, and yes, the right measure of play.

Unexpected Insights: The Real XPT Experience

The people I met here shattered any preconceptions about who does XPT. There was a former UNC basketball player who played under Dean Smith and is a recovering addict with his own podcast called “Champagne Problems.”; a middle-aged entrepreneur who sold his company and splits time between California and Vail – this was his ninth XPT experience; two brothers in their fifties checking off a bucket list item; a family from Austin with their son and his girlfriend.

These were normal people. This didn’t look like a gathering of jacked, high-performance athletes. These were real people with full lives who had chosen to vacation differently – challenging themselves in a smart, sustainable, and yes, even luxurious way.

Epilogue: The Unexpected Gift

Sometimes the universe has a way of forcing you to practice what you’ve just learned. As I sit here on a rock overlooking the ocean, waves crashing along the shore, I’m experiencing an unexpected additional day in Kauai due to a late-night cancelled flight. In the past, this could have left me angry and frustrated. Instead, one of the weekend’s mantras immediately surfaced: I’m built for this.

Just get an Uber. Get a hotel. Get a good night’s sleep. Wake up, enjoy the day. Get right back on your next flight and head home. Be present. Be intentional in the moment and control what you can control.

As I sit here reading through these journal entries, I’m tearing up a little bit. The truth is, I don’t always take it in – in the moment. I don’t always appreciate and consider how far I’ve actually come. What I’ve gotten to do. How just a few short years ago, this all seemed impossible.

But what I’ve learned is that it wasn’t impossible at all. Others were doing it – just not me. And when I finally figured that out, when I chose to flip the switch and say “it’s not impossible, it’s possible” – everything changed. It’s not just possible for them, but it’s possible for me, too. 

How do I make it happen? That became the only question that mattered.

Because this is just another step. Another realization. Another marker on a personal journey that shows me I can keep moving forward. I can live happier and healthier and stronger and longer.

I wrote my book as a way to break my own limiting beliefs. That book was, in some way, the outcome I was seeking. What I’ve realized now is that I need to take that outcome in my own words and reverse engineer back to how I’m going to live it and make it a reality. My reality. And how that reality might help inspire others to do the same.

This unexpected extra day in paradise has become a gift – a moment to pause, reflect, and truly integrate the lessons of this transformative weekend. The ocean before me, the journal entries in my hands, and the path ahead all seem to whisper the same truth: it’s possible. It always was. We just have to believe it, then put in the work to make it real.