I had a mentor that would always say, “Give generously and don’t keep score.”
And recently I had an NHL Hall of Famer share a story with me:
“I am extremely generous, and rarely ask for anything from anyone; so when I do and you don’t do it—you’re dead to me.”
I listened closely to both.
And this is the crux of what I do.
I aggregate insights, people, brands, experiences, theories, stories—and curate them down to what works for me, and eliminate what doesn’t.
I call it my ACE Rule.
More often than not, the answer is somewhere in the middle:
Give generously AND keep score.
Be generous AND when it’s not reciprocal, take note.
Here’s the deal:
It’s painful to be let down.
To have expectations that are not met.
To misalign values, ways of doing things…
To accept differences and the things we cannot control—including ourselves.
Confession:
I have issues with people. Lots of people.
Mostly I internalize it.
I’m afraid of people. Of getting my feelings hurt.
I don’t trust most people.
I’m constantly disappointed.
Overly trying to be liked, wanted, needed, and appreciated—and then being let down.
I have a temper.
I get angry.
I get resentful.
I bottle it up.
And then I do things like writing about it here, pressing send before I change my mind and hoping nobody reads it because it sucks; and desperately wanting everyone to read it and tell me how much it helped them…
This is what I struggle with daily.
Now, imagine what it’s like to actually live with me…
My wife Kate forced me to listen to Mel’s new book The Let Them Theory.
So with Kate, I do what I’m told.
I figured that since I didn’t want to read this book—yet knew she wasn’t going to let it go—and that after 27 years together, she knows when things are coming to a head for me… with people, situations, family, and deals… and that I was struggling to process and make good choices…that I would listen to it while on the treadmill training for 29029.
It would increase my time under tension and make a bad situation worse—which, in turn, would result in me getting in better physical and mental condition once I endured it.
This is kinda how my brain works.
The book—or audiobook in this case—is fucking phenomenal.
Damn you Mel Robbins.
Truth be told, Chris Robbins has become a friend. I spent time at his Soul Degree retreats, and we talk frequently. I love his wife Mel—despite at first thinking she was hokey, overly simplistic, pandering to appeal to the masses and corporate event planners and companies who all want to keep their flocks thinking and working like sheep, self high-fiving each morning before heading back into the conformity, complacency, and redundancy of corporate “culture”—a term that still makes me gag.
I was wrong.
The Let Them Theory is unquestionably the most basic theory in the world, articulated in the most easily comprehensible, relatable, credible, and aspirational manner and that will have the most galactically positive effect on your life if you LET IT…
…and then ultimately LET THEM, and LET ME…
I hate her for writing it.
I love her for writing it.
The amount of time, energy, bandwidth, love, emotion, money—everything—I’ve wasted over the years has been exposed.
And the clarity, open space, release, forgiveness, confidence, and security I’ve sought has emerged.
Here’s what I’ve realized:
You can give freely and still feel betrayed.
You can offer kindness and still need boundaries.
You can extend a hand and still feel the sting when nobody reaches back.
This isn’t about being petty.
It’s about being human.
I’m no longer afraid to keep score—not out of spite, but out of self-respect.
It’s a scoreboard that helps me know who’s on the field with me—and who’s watching from the stands.
Let them.
Let them show you.
Let them say no.
Let them walk.
Let them not get it.
Let them not reciprocate.
Let them not be who you hoped they would be.
And then let that be enough for you to decide how to move forward.
If you’re like me—navigating the messy, raw middle of life—this isn’t about becoming colder or harder.
It’s about becoming clearer.
About who you are.
What you’re willing to give.
What you’re no longer willing to chase.
And who truly values you.
Give generously.
Keep score.
Not to even the tally.
But to finally give yourself permission to move on.
So I’m letting them, and letting me…
—Greg
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Greg Scheinman
Founder, Midlife Male
52. Husband. Father. Entrepreneur. Coach
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