Here’s something every dad reading this can sense intuitively: our childhood summers in the 80s and 90s were FAR superior to the summers our kids have now. We had more freedom. More fun. More friends. We roamed. We made shit up. We got into harmless trouble.
We had Blockbuster and Tower Records and no internet. We played pick-up hoops and hit up the town pool or lake with no social media. We left the house after breakfast and came home at dinner. We didn’t have phones but somehow our parents could find us at any time. We didn’t have GPS but we knew where our buddies lived. We never made plans but we always had plans. Life was good.
I was explaining all of this to my kids (12 and 14) in an epic “Back in My Day” Summer rant over breakfast today and I got on a roll and I wanted to share the highlights with you:
Here are 16 reasons Summer in the ‘80s & ’90s crushed Summer in ’25 and why our kids are soft:
1) Gatorade Citrus Cooler > every crappy Prime flavor
2) No Gatorade? Thirsty? Any garden hose on the side of a house in the ’90s will do. Tasted better, in fact…
My kids: “Gross. It has no filter.”
Me: “Filters weren’t even invented when we were kids. Drinking mud and hot copper from the hose made us stronger.”
3) Kids in ’25: “Can you text Joe’s mom to see if he’s home?”
Really? Now we have to go through 7 texts so you can see your friend? The old way was perfect:
Kids in the ‘80s & ’90s: “I’m calling Joe’s house to see if he’s home.”
4) Even better:
Kids: “I’m biking to Joe’s to see if he’s around.”
Parents: “Good. Be home at 5.”
Biking > driving
Calling > texting
5) Kids to parents in ’25: “Can you set up a playdate with Ed?”
Hey fellow parents: When did the term “play date” take over? It’s lame, weak parent-speak. It’s our fault.
We should stop using it.
Our kids don’t need dates to shoot driveway hoops.
Kids in ’95: “Can Ed come over?” (simple)
6) Kids in ’95: “Ken Griffey Jr. is the most awesome baseball player ever!”
Kids in ’25: “What’s baseball?”
(Sorry, mostly true. I know, you like baseball. I LOVED it. Not my fault. The pitch clock and Ohtani and Judge help though)
7) If your kid likes a PB&J sandwich in 2025 it takes them 10 minutes to say so:
“This PB&J is so gas it’s fire my guy no cap sigma face this jelly understood the assignment.”
Describing a tasty PB&J in the ‘90s: “It’s good.”
8) Kids in ’95: “I’m going to see The Sandlot in the theater with all my buddies Saturday afternoon.”
Kids in ’25: “We’re watching some streaming super hero thing I don’t know what app it’s on.”
9) Kids in ’25: “I found this funny online video it has this guy at the supermarket in a costume and he….” Dads: Zzzzzzzzz.
Kids in the ’90s: Chris Farley. Jim Carrey. Adam Sandler. Enough said.
10) Kids in ’25: “I want Alexa to play that AI song from that TikTok.”
Kids in the ’90s: “I memorized all the words to Tribe Called Quest’s ‘Scenario'”
11) Kids in ’25: “I’m watching this YouTube channel of this kid with a British accent making fun of high school videos he finds on YouTube.”
Whaaaat??
How absurd are these shows?
Kids in the ’90s: Saved By the Bell
12) Kids hearing a joke in ’25: “i loled”
Kids hearing a joke in the 90s: ***actual laughter***
13) Kids in ’25: “I’m on a group Facetime with my friends in my room.”
Kids in the 90s: “A group of us are going to the park to hang out.”
14) Kids in the 90s: “Can me and my friends walk to the pizza shop to get lunch?”
Parents: “Here’s $5 to get two slices and a Coke.”
Kids in ’24: “Can we order Uber Eats for lunch? It’s only $47.50?”
15) Kids in the 90s: “It’s Friday night! Let’s go to Blockbuster and cruise the aisles and grab a New Release and get some Junior Mints and popcorn.”
Kids in ’25 sitting alone on the couch: “Ugh. Disney+ doesn’t have anything new on.”
16) 90s kids: Michael Jordan is the greatest basketball player of all time.
Kids in 2025: But LeBron James’ usage rate is….
Ughhhhh zip it, dorks.
Jordan was better. The 80s & 90s were better. End of story.
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Jon Finkel
Editor-in-Chief, Midlife Male
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