The Judge: He makes a ruling on the midlife male’s tough questions
My wife says I should try therapy or maybe get a life coach because she’s gotten a lot out of her therapist. I don’t know. I always learned you just get through it. But maybe I should try?
You know what I tried last month because everybody said it was great? Pickleball. And you know what else? It sucked.
It seems like everybody can’t stop yapping about how it’s so great, so addicting, so fun. I look at and I want to tell everyone making all that noise to take my gavel and go thwock themselves.
Therapy work for your wife? And maybe a few of your friends? Fan-freaking-tastic. And if it helps, I’ll recuse myself from their cases.
But I will say that you don’t need to feel like it’s the only method for figuring out whatever you’re going through.
I’ve heard from a few of my close friends who say that being forced to talk about their traumas just made everything worse. It was like the therapist was this master chef making a soup out of all of your troubles. And he’d add more and more troubles to the soup with question after question and question. And then he’d keep stirring and stirring and stirring the pot. At some point, maybe you just have to eat the damn soup and be done with it.
You know what’s good therapy? Exercise. Eating decently. Taking walks. Playing golf or fishing or hooping with your friends. Taking care of what’s in front of you—not behind you.
And don’t get me started on the other end of the extreme—the positivity people with no life experience who just want to sell you on some kind of promise that self-coddling and daily affirmations are the keys to unlocking your stagnation.
How about this? How about looking at yourself, owning your mistakes, figuring out how to break the cycles of destructive behavior and taking some responsibility?
Now for some people, I know that therapy can work, because maybe you need someone to pry deep into your soul to find out that you once got caught with your pants down by your neighborhood crush when you were 14 and now you can’t seem to get a promotion. And hell, coming face to face with what’s holding you back is going to work for some people, and maybe that’s the bigger point: Who am I to judge? (Oh hell, I’m The Judge, so I’m going to a little.) Maybe you need to take sententing into your own hands and decide what option will best help you feel that no matter what method you use, you’re moving forwards and not just backwards.
