Life is very different for all of us right now. Particularly men. When was the last time you were home this much? As men we also tend to like to be in control and not be told what to do. Much of that control and choice has been taken away from us for now. So how have we been coping? How are we navigating this time in our lives? What are you doing and experiencing? I asked a bunch of my friends a series of questions and here’s some of the responses I received. Too many to post them all. Let me know what you think and if you have other questions and topics you’d like me to explore for The Midlife Male, let’s talk!
“Steve”
· Have you gotten laid since this corona quarantine started? (Sorry, had to start there…) Yes
· More or less than usual? About the same
· Time of day/night changed if kids are now home….? Night after kids are asleep
· At this stage of our lives does something like this bring you closer, make you wanna kill one another, combo? A little bit of both- we have our moments
· How are you handling the “closeness”? My kids are still young so the closeness is ok
· Any noticeable differences in parenting now that both parents are home all the time? We are definitely more on the same page. More so than when I’m working non-stop
· Are you aligned or realizing that you think/react/parent differently? A little bit of both actually depending on the situation
· Do you feel more/less appreciated as a man for what you provide/do for your family? More appreciated
· Do you appreciate what your wife does any more or are you surprised by perhaps how little (ie: housewife with older kids seemingly has a lot of time on her hands….)? My wife gets the gold star. I couldn’t do what she does
· Has overall communication increased/decreased or do you find family members in various parts of the house, on their phones, talking/texting with friends more than each other (not just kids – us as well…) increased- my kids haven’t been watching much TV except at night. They have their electronics time to talk with their friends.
· Does this change your perspective on money, career, materialism at all? Yeah…amazing how much we spend on nonsense. I will always enjoy material things but it doesn’t have to be excessive. My career forces me to be away from my family quite a bit. I miss a lot. Definitely going to be interesting once thing go back to “normal”…if there ever is a normal again
· Eating better/worse? Still on an 80/20
· Exercising more/less? More
· Drinking more/less? More- guilty
· Are you designating certain times to work or randomly doing tasks throughout the day? Mornings and evenings after the kids go to bed
· Will this experience get you to change anything significant ie: career, financial strategy, work more/less, move out of the city, buy that motorcycle…? Financial strategy..cut back on weekend work…buy that Porsche…maybe!
· What do you see as the biggest impact on your kids? (Ie: loss of senior year experience, sports teams, personal interactions….) Loss of interaction with their friends. They also miss their grandparents very much.
“George”
· Have you gotten laid since this corona quarantine started? (Sorry, had to start there…) YES
· More or less than usual? +20%
· Time of day/night changed if kids are now home….? N/A
· At this stage of our lives does something like this bring you closer, make you wanna kill one another, combo? CLOSER
· How are you handling the “closeness”? MORE CONSISTENT MEDITATION, FOCUSING ON PATIENCE, UNDERSTANDING THAT OUR SITUATION IS BETTER THAN MANY OTHERS
· Any noticeable differences in parenting now that both parents are home all the time? I’M MORE RELAXED TOWARD THE GIRLS
· Are you aligned or realizing that you think/react/parent differently? ALGINED
· Do you feel more/less appreciated as a man for what you provide/do for your family? NO DIFFERENCE
· Do you appreciate what your wife does any more or are you surprised by perhaps how little (ie: housewife with older kids seemingly has a lot of time on her hands….)? APPRECIATION FOR HER PATIENCE; TRYING TO BE CONSISTENTLY AWARE OF HOW JUDGMENTAL I AM (I.E. WORRYING ABOUT MY HABITS/HOW I SPEND MY TIME MORE THAN WORRYING ABOUT HER)
· Has overall communication increased/decreased or do you find family members in various parts of the house, on their phones, talking/texting with friends more than each other (not just kids – us as well…). INCREASED
· Does this change your perspective on money, career, materialism at all? DECREASED MY MATERIALISM (STILL LIKE THINGS, BUT LET’S HOPE I’M MORE INTENTIONAL ABOUT WHAT TO SPEND MONEY ON)
· Eating better/worse? ABOUT THE SAME; MORE VEGETABLES (HAVE HAD TWO MEALS AS CARRY-OUT OVER THE LAST 17 DAYS)
· Exercising more/less? ABOUT THE SAME; ROWING MORE AT HOME AND TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ALL THE GEAR/TOOLS WE HAVE. OBVIOUSLY NOT DOING AS MUCH WEIGHTLIFTING/SWIMMING GIVEN CLOSURE OF GYM
· Drinking more/less? SAME
· Are you designating certain times to work or randomly doing tasks throughout the day? A LITTLE MORE RANDOM; THOUGH NEED TO BE MORE INTENTIONAL ABOUT SETTING BOUNDARIES
· Will this experience get you to change anything significant ie: career, financial strategy, work more/less, move out of the city, buy that motorcycle…? SPEND LESS REALIZING THAT THE MATERIAL THINGS (ONLINE SHOPPING) HAVE NO CORRELATION TO MY HAPPINESS
· What do you see as the biggest impact on your kids? (Ie: loss of senior year experience, sports teams, personal interactions….) THEY’LL UNDERSTAND COOPERATION MORE AND THEY’LL BE MORE WELL-VERSED WITH TECHNOLOGY. BOUGHT THEM NEW IPADS FOR VIRTUAL LEARNING AS WEHELD OFF ON BUYING THEM DEVICES UNTIL NOW (THEY ARE 7.5 AND 5.5)
“Jack”
Have you gotten laid since this corona quarantine started? (Sorry, had to start there…) Yes
More or less than usual? The same which translates to barely ever.
Time of day/night changed if kids are now home….? Not really
At this stage of our lives does something like this bring you closer, make you wanna kill one another, combo? It’s had a neutral effect. Not many high’s or low’s.
How are you handling the “closeness”? It hasn’t been bad. We live in a cool beach community so I’ve taken advantage of being able to bike ride and walk around a lot in the evening.
Any noticeable differences in parenting now that both parents are home all the time? No changes
Are you aligned or realizing that you think/react/parent differently? I haven’t experienced any new realizations. We still agree and disagree on the same things.
Do you feel more/less appreciated as a man for what you provide/do for your family? I’ve felt underappreciated for so long it almost never bothers me anymore.
Do you appreciate what your wife does any more or are you surprised by perhaps how little (ie: housewife with older kids seemingly has a lot of time on her hands….)? I don’t have new feelings on this. My wife is an entrapper as well so she’s been doing her own thing for a couple of years.
Has overall communication increased/decreased or do you find family members in various parts of the house, on their phones, talking/texting with friends more than each other (not just kids – us as well…) So far communication levels are the same. I still go my office everyday so I’m gone for most of the day.
Does this change your perspective on money, career, materialism at all? This hasn’t changed my perspective on my professional ambitions. Although it’s been a challenging few weeks, I still think my best days are ahead of me.
Eating better/worse? My diet has been the same. I’m thoughtful about what I eat and stick to a good diet.
Exercising more/less? Fortunately I’ve still been able to workout a good friend’s gym nearby my house.
Drinking more/less? I’m drinking a few more nights than I typically do but I’m not drinking in excess. I have zero interest in having a hangover.
Are you designating certain times to work or randomly doing tasks throughout the day? I have an office 5 minutes from house and since the rest of my C team is working from home, I’m able to go to the office every day. Since I have facilities in several countries outside of the US, we’ve been working long days to guide the company thru this crisis.
Will this experience get you to change anything significant ie: career, financial strategy, work more/less, move out of the city, buy that motorcycle…? I don’t know yet. On the professional front, I believe there are going to be incredible opportunities from all the fear and blood in the streets from business becoming distressed and markets getting hammered. Even though we’ve been playing a lot of defense the past few weeks, we’re also playing offense and have landed a couple of significant new deals that will help transform the company. On the personal front, this insanity has highlighted how unimportant all the B.S. is that people get caught up into. If your kids are healthy, safe and have a good mindset odds are they are going to be capable adults.
What do you see as the biggest impact on your kids? (Ie: loss of senior year experience, sports teams, personal interactions….) Fortunately neither one of my kid’s are stressed out about the crisis. I consistently talk to them about what’s going on and give them straight talk. The biggest impact will be the lack of quality education they’re going to get thru virtual school. My 16 year old was going to school at an aboard program in the Bahamas and it unfortunately was cut short due to mandatory evacuations for non-residents. I’m really disappointed for him because he got into a great program and was so excited to be part of it.
“Jon”
· Been in my dungeon home office past 3 weeks almost and prob another 2 months it seems. Brutal as need to be seeing ppl and out of course. Great time to communicate one on one and check in w people as you have been saying.
· Yes
· Usual 2x
· Late night or am now even as kids going to sleep so late now. 15 yr old girl. 11 yr old boy. Social media dominating big time
· Combo but getting closer with effort and time
· Getting more involved now but I’m still working all day so nothing has changed even though “I’m around”
· We need to be more aligned and forceful on our parenting methods. Ideally, I would like her to take the lead as she is around all the time and I will support / take over.
· Communication with a getting better but the kids are busier with social media more than ever now
· Perspective on money is to save more , be more liquid and respect every dollar earned. There are annuities in our career
· Eating better drinking less as not out as much
· Exercising less as my routine of trainer / tennis is off and I am sleeping more in the mornings
· But bike riding daily in the beings w my kids
· I will be more thoughtful in all interactions and understanding of people’s situations going forward
· My kids are fortunate as this was not pivotal years for them nor for my wife / I
· I think we will all emerge stronger ahead!!
“Jay”
· Have you gotten laid since this corona quarantine started? (Sorry, had to start there…) 😍 yes
· More or less than usual? Less
· Time of day/night changed if kids are now home….?yes –
· At this stage of our lives does something like this bring you closer, make you wanna kill one another, combo? Brings us closer and some deadly moments
· How are you handling the “closeness”? Good – we have a good balance
· Any noticeable differences in parenting now that both parents are home all the time? Yes – I am more strict and she is more nurturing
· Are you aligned or realizing that you think/react/parent differently? We have our moments where there is a distinct difference
· Do you feel more/less appreciated as a man for what you provide/do for your family? Yes more appreciated , but I also admire her work ethic and how she balances home and work
· Do you appreciate what your wife does any more or are you surprised by perhaps how little (ie: housewife with older kids seemingly has a lot of time on her hands….)? Yes very appreciative of her and what she does
· Has overall communication increased/decreased or do you find family members in various parts of the house, on their phones, talking/texting with friends more than each other (not just kids – us as well…) over all increase and less screen time for me has helped a lot
· Does this change your perspective on money, career, materialism at all? It’s really made me understand the value of being self employed
· Eating better/worse? Good days , and some bad weekends
· Exercising more/less? More exercise
· Drinking more/less? No drinking
· Are you designating certain times to work or randomly doing tasks throughout the day? Trying to keep to a schedule – work out early am, work till lunch, a lot of house work, back to work and games with kids in evening
· Will this experience get you to change anything significant ie: career, financial strategy, work more/less, move out of the city, buy that motorcycle…? More personal relations with my clients , I really need to get out there and connect different aspects of what I do to grow relationships
· What do you see as the biggest impact on your kids? (Ie: loss of senior year experience, sports teams, personal interactions….) the bound between all of us as a family , and growing together and learning about appreciation in what we have , health , wealth , family and friends
“Drew”
· Have you gotten laid since this corona quarantine started? (Sorry, had to start there…) YES
· More or less than usual? LESS
· Time of day/night changed if kids are now home….? NIGHT
· At this stage of our lives does something like this bring you closer, make you wanna kill one another, combo? COMBO
· How are you handling the “closeness”? GRADE B
· Any noticeable differences in parenting now that both parents are home all the time? NO
· Are you aligned or realizing that you think/react/parent differently? ALIGNED
· Do you feel more/less appreciated as a man for what you provide/do for your family? APPRECIATED
· Do you appreciate what your wife does any more or are you surprised by perhaps how little (ie: housewife with older kids seemingly has a lot of time on her hands….)? APPRECIATE
· Has overall communication increased/decreased or do you find family members in various parts of the house, on their phones, talking/texting with friends more than each other (not just kids – us as well…) INCREASE
· Does this change your perspective on money, career, materialism at all?
· Eating better/worse? BETTER
· Exercising more/less?MORE
· Drinking more/less?MORE
· Are you designating certain times to work or randomly doing tasks throughout the day? STILL WORKING REMOTE market hours chores after market closes or weekends help with heavy clean
· Will this experience get you to change anything significant ie: career, financial strategy, work more/less, move out of the city, buy that motorcycle…? Work more remotely continue to build a mote Around our business
· What do you see as the biggest impact on your kids? (Ie: loss of senior year experience, sports teams, personal interactions….) all of the above
