Collect moments, not things.
Let’s have some fun.
I’ve been a little serious lately. There’s been a lot going on. There always is. That’s how life and midlife works. We just work on becoming better equipped to handle it.
As Jim Rohn wisely said, “We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret.”
Spoiler Alert: I’m gonna throw a bunch of quotes out to you this week because I’ve been updating one of my speeches – “The Secret to Simple, Positive Personal Transformation”– so here we go.
Every time I begin to feel overwhelmed, or am at/going beyond capacity, and the things that normally fill my tank start to drain it instead, I go back to basics. For me, those are simplicity, preparation, discipline and fun. Because if it’s not fun, then what’s the point?
If the people, places, experiences, situations and opportunities around you aren’t bringing you joy, then it’s time to make a plan for change. Robin Sharma puts it well: “What’s the point of being alive if you don’t at least try to do something remarkable?”
Notice I didn’t say “Change NOW.” That’s unrealistic for most of us.
What I will say is that the moment you start making a plan to change your circumstances is the moment you start having more fun, because that process itself is energizing. Progress is a process, and falling in love with the process is fun. “Progress equals happiness,” Tony Robbins often quips.
We overcomplicate everything, and that sucks the joy out of life
Fun is about learning, being healthy and curious, being generous and surrounding yourself with good people who fill your tank. It’s about waking up with energy and going to bed tired – the good kind of tiredness that comes from living fully.
It all comes down to simplicity, which means having standards and good habits. Being prepared, disciplined and consistent. It’s about living with intention and purpose. I look at long-game career professionals like Oprah Winfrey, who pointed out that “Doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.”
You need a map. Call it a midlife action plan, a maximized action plan, whatever you want. What I’ve learned is that mediocrity happens by default, while maximization happens by design.
This isn’t just for middle-aged men. I’m a slow learner and late bloomer myself. I wish I’d gotten the memo earlier. But look, situations and circumstances can defeat us or define us. No regrets. Everything happens for a reason, and here I am. If you’d told me at 51 that I’d be doing this, I would’ve bet against it. But here it is. Success comes down to the actions we take and the choices we make – that’s it.
I started making better choices, one at a time. When you make the better choice the majority of the time, the majority of your life gets better.
At 47, the same age my dad died, I found myself very unhappy. I wasn’t showing up well for myself, my family or my career. One day, I decided to make the changes to transform my life. No big proclamations or money spent, no dramatics. I just started.
Here’s a quote from Les Brown that’ll make your stomach churn: “The graveyard is the richest place on earth because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled.”
Eventually, this work distilled down into 5 rules, 6 F’s and one question.
The 5 rules:
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Doing what’s important is what’s most important.
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If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll never get there.
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Aggregate, curate, eliminate (ACE).
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Show me your calendar, and I’ll show you your priorities.
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Everything with grace, gratitude and latitude.
The 6 Fs:
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Family.
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Fitness.
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Finance.
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Food.
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Fashion.
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Fun.
The one question: “Better one or better two?”
It’s very simple. And simple is hard, which is why most don’t do it. I’ve had 250 conversations with the highest performing people in the world, and none of them do anything groundbreaking. They master the basics: preparation, discipline, accountability. Be consistent with those and you’ll be more successful than 99% of the population.
Jocko Willink sums it up: “Discipline equals freedom.”
I write down three personal and three professional things every morning, aligned with my goals. Then I do them. That’s it.
It’s time blocking and habit stacking. But it’s also the power of compounding interest. The secret to personal transformation is that there is no secret — you’re either willing to do the work or you’re not.
My Midlife Action Plan includes my Personal Standards for each of my 6 F’s. As long as I operate to my standards, my chances of maximizing middle age look pretty good.
Example
My wife Kate and I just took a 1:1 getaway to Cabo, checking another box off the list. Here are some ways we applied the operating standards:
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Trips don’t have to be extravagant. Work within your resources.
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We favor quality over quantity, like a shorter trip but better hotel. We’ll spend more on experiences, like renting a private boat vs. a group trip. Collect moments, not things.
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We use points and miles whenever we can. Our boys are away costing us a fortune, so using rewards was the only responsible way to pull this off.
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Vacations are to enhance our lifestyle, not escape it. We still workout, eat well and sleep well. We don’t come back needing a vacation from our vacation.
I’ve developed my own personal operating system and standards based on interviewing 250+ high performers. Here are my Fun standards. Use them, write your own, share feedback. It’s all about developing your own MAP.
Fun/Travel Standards
And because I have a shitload of quotes from speech research laying around on my laptop, a zinger to go with each.
Regularly seek out new challenges and experiences that foster curiosity, adventure, and personal growth.
“Do one thing every day that scares you.” —Eleanor Roosevelt
Engage in activities that enhance physicality and personal development.
“Either you run the day, or the day runs you.” —Jim Rohn
Find time to laugh, smile and enjoy life in beautiful places with family and wonderful people.
“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.” —Maya Angelou
Dedicate time to hobbies and travels that bring joy and fulfillment.
“Jobs fill your pocket, adventures fill your soul.” —Jamie Lyn Beatty
One international trip per year.
“The world is a book and those who do not travel read only one page.” —Saint Augustine
One physical challenge per year.
“The miracle isn’t that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start.” —John Bingham
One personal development course/experience per year.
“Your level of success will seldom exceed your level of personal development.” —Jim Rohn
One father/son trip per year.
“There are many men with more money than me, but none can feel any richer than when I look at you and your brothers.” —Alan Scheinman
One Kate and Greg trip per year.
“Love is like the wind, you can’t see it but you can feel it.” —Nicholas Sparks
One family trip for the four of us together.
“A man should never neglect his family for business.” —Walt Disney
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I know you know these principles. Simplicity, standards, habits, preparation, discipline, consistency.
Be intentional and purposeful. Have a plan. Fall in love with the process. Master the basics. Make the better choice more often than not. Create your own personal operating system aligned with your values and goals.
I’ll leave you with one final quote, an oldie but a goodie, from Mark Twain:
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover.”
