Look, I take a lot of pride in how I live my life today. I didn’t always, and it cost me when I was younger. It really bothers me that the only headlines we’re seeing these days about middle aged men are guys behaving badly.
This is not representative of the majority of men. It’s just not. What it is, is a tiny, distorted slice of the male population, that of course, gets amplified by legacy media.
I am not excusing the misdeeds or misgivings of any of these individuals (who I don’t even feel like naming – you know them). They should be held accountable. And to scrutiny. Including publicly. But, let’s be clear. It’s not all of us. It’s not the majority of us. It’s not the men I know, not the men I coach, not the men we interview and have conversations with and showcase each week at Midlife Male.
Yet, if you open any app, here’s what you’ll see: This guy cheated. This guy’s a creep. This guy’s a predator. This guy’s a fraud. And you know what? They’re all over 40. Which subtly says, middle-aged men are the problem.
And that’s just not true.
These guys aren’t us.
New to Midlife Male? Sign Up Now for Free
You just never see headlines about “us” because we’re not doing things that generate controversial, “if it bleeds, it leads” headlines.
We’re simply living quality lives as husbands, fathers, friends and overall good guys. At least that’s the goal. Nobody’s perfect, obviously.
But I’m sick of the current news cycle because it makes it seem like middle-aged men are imploding everywhere, when in reality it’s a handful of prominent guys dominating the conversation and coverage for ratings and clicks, because visibility gets confused with a majority.
When you’re a bad human, you’re not one of us. I don’t care how many books you’ve sold, podcast downloads you have or your net worth.
While the mainstream media’s busy banging out a constant drumbeat of hit pieces on the worst case examples of men, I’m scratching my head because I realized that I don’t actually know anything about these guys.
I don’t know men who act like this behind closed doors. These guys are not relatable. They’re certainly not credible anymore. And they’re absolutely not aspirational. Just because someone is prominent and popular, does not mean they are principled.
And while all of it might sell papers, and sway the algorithm to attract more views, I have no interest in that.
Here, at Midlife Male we’re choosing instead to highlight the good; to amplify good guys. Guys who are working diligently to get better in all areas of their life, every day, to set the bar high, to keep the bar high, and to maintain a set of standards that keeps them out of the news. Not because they’re hiding something, but because there’s nothing to hide.
I believe there’s good business in good news and good people and most importantly in good men.
And that shouldn’t be mutually exclusive in media and coverage. We should promote the positive as much, if not more, than we plaster the negative on the front pages.
What I have found to be the very best antidote to all this bullshit is to surround yourself with better examples and live that way yourself.
Who is a Midlife Male? He’s a good husband. A good father. A solid provider. A man who lives the 6Fs in real life, not just on a podcast or in a book. It’s never been about follower count, net worth, or how optimized your testosterone protocol is.
Focus is my theme this year. And writing about this almost feels like a distraction. We’re not going to waste time on guys who’ve lost the plot. We will build, lead, and live by example.
But this is worth saying:
Midlife is where character compounds or collapses.
It’s where your kids decide if they respect you. It’s where your wife decides if she trusts you. It’s where your friends decide if you’re solid.
Midlife isn’t about status, influence, or optimization. It’s about alignment. The men getting exposed right now aren’t cautionary tales because they’re famous. They’re cautionary tales because their private behavior didn’t match their public persona.
It may not invalidate every good idea someone has shared, but we don’t put men on pedestals anymore. We measure differently.
Can you sit at your own dinner table without flinching?
Can you look your wife in the eye?
Can your kids trust your word?
These are the only questions worth asking.
In Health,
Greg Scheinman
Founder, Midlife Male
Husband. Father. Entrepreneur. Coach.
