This is Issue No. 2 of Midlife Male, a lifestyle digital magazine and podcast for midlife men. For additional midlife perspectives during the week, follow us on Instagram, YouTube, and Threads.
The Moment I Thought “What the F*ck Am I Doing?” & Ditched My Phone
Walks are for walking, not scrolling.
Let me tell you a short story.
I’m currently visiting the beautiful campus at CU in Boulder. Our son, who is a student here, is turning 21 on Wednesday and he and I drove from Houston with our two dogs to spend some time together. My wife Kate and our other son, Harper, are flying in and we are all staying a week to celebrate together.
On Wednesday morning, I’m up early to walk the dogs (I’m out the door at 6:45AM and he’s still sleeping: 21 versus 51.)
So I’m walking along with Roxy & Riley in tow and the sun is shining, there’s a nice breeze rolling through campus and the early risers are doing their thing. People are jogging and getting coffee and I even roll by the football facility to catch Coach Prime doing his thing with the day’s conditioning drills…
And am I enjoying any of this? Am I soaking in one of the most picturesque campuses in the country at one of the best times of year to be here?
No. Not at all.
I’m walking, head down, staring at my phone, being bombarded by a relentless stream of talking heads and alerts and bullshit that I’ve willingly signed up for and that now I believe I have to “get through” to start my day.
And that’s when it hits me:
What the fuck am I doing?
Consuming all of this??? Who cares? None of this is making me feel or perform better; in fact, it’s making me feel and perform worse.
My feed, like yours, is loaded with clickbait crap and filled with stories and headlines designed to manipulate my brain into reacting to a stress response.
The market did this. Harris said that. Trump mouthed off. A country fired a missile. An athlete demanded a trade. A billionaire posted a memo. A celebrity got caught doing whatever… And on and on until that quick “check” on my phone pulls 28 minutes out of my life, makes me feel like shit and distracts me from being present and enjoying my surroundings.
It’s not motivating or inspiring. I’m not centered, intentional or present with where I’m at.
And even if you fill your feed with experts and “influencers” in topics that you’re trying to improve in, the field has been inundated with wannabes gaming the algorithm. Another total time suck and distraction.
Most of these individuals in my feed don’t have greater knowledge, experience, thoughts, or insights than me and even if some of them do, so what? How much am I going to apply it all anyway during my morning walk? What am I going to do with all this sensory overload of “help”?
I decide right then and there: the phone’s not coming with me anywhere it doesn’t belong.
It detracts from what I’m actually trying to achieve—focus, discipline, preparation, consistency, accountability, happiness, earning, growing, improving my health, fulfillment, and family.
As I continue my walk, I begin to pay attention to how many people have their heads down in their phones versus those who don’t. The ones without their phones inspire me. They are the outliers, the individuals I’m much more interested in.
What I really want to know is how do people not get distracted by all the noise? How do they truly know who they are and get comfortable with that?
Hilda Burke, a psychotherapist and author of The Phone Addiction Workbook, says there is a strong link between heavy device usage and relationship issues, quality of sleep, our ability to switch off and relax, and concentration levels.
“Many people have a constant drip feed of requests coming their way via their device, many with a false sense of urgency,” she says. “They feel unable to lay boundaries down, with the result that they feel compelled to check their emails and messages last thing at night and first thing in the morning.”
Ugh. This is me. I have to admit it.
Emails and social media when I wake up. All day. Then before bed.
Why? Because I’m like you. I let it happen.
Ninety-five percent of young adults now keep their phones nearby every waking hour, according to a Gallup survey; 92% do when they sleep.
We look at our phones an average of 352 times a day, according to one recent survey, almost four times more often than before COVID.
We want children off their phones because we want them to be present, but children need our presence, too.
When we are on our phones, we are somewhere else. As the title of one study notes, “The Mere Presence of One’s Own Smartphone Reduces Available Cognitive Capacity.”
We’ve let phones slide into every aspect of our lives.
The other night, after dinner out with the family, the waiter came by with the check and I looked up and we were all on our phones. Yeah, we all had a ‘reason’. My wife was looking up a gelato place and I was checking in on a friend with a medical problem and one of my boys was making plans… BUT… did all of it need to happen at that moment? When we were all together but our phones pulled us apart?
The answer for me is “no more”.
I’m putting the phone down and picking my head up and enjoying the world.
Another quick example:
I went to the Foo Fighters concert with my son, and when he looked down into the standing room only section by the stage, he said this:
“That’s such a boomer group. Nobody has their phones out recording every song and the whole concert. People are just enjoying it.”
And you know what? That’s my new guiding principle.
Ditch the phone and just enjoy being present and alive.
From now on I’m leaving my phone at home when I can and clipping as many apps and alerts as possible when I have it on me.
Fuck my phone. I’m taking my attention back.
In Health,
—Greg
Coming soon. But first, a story about the how.
Last month, I flew to Nashville to train with the legendary Gunnar Peterson and had the opportunity to bring along a few friends. My buddy JT, who owns Bosscat Kitchen & Libations and Ten Asian Bistro, joined me, along with Josh Whalen, the owner of Blokes, a men’s optimization company.
We had an epic day of training, podcasting, and a Q&A session with Gunnar. Josh later posted about this on his social media, and I noticed a comment from actor Johnathon Schaech. I’m a big fan of Johnathon—“That Thing You Do!” is one of my favorite movies. I knew Johnathon has been on his own health, wellness, and optimization journey for the last couple of years.
I asked Josh if he knew Johnathon, and he said not only does he know him, but they are good friends and he put us in touch. Johnathon was cool enough to set aside some time for an interview for Midlife Male. We had an incredible conversation, which we’re excited to share with you soon on the podcast. Make sure you subscribe to the podcast to get it dropped in your inbox every Sunday.
Johnathon Schaech and his family.
In the meantime, here are 5 powerful statements from Johnathon that made an impact on me.
Can’t wait to share the rest with you soon.
Millions of stories are posted online every day and 99.9% are noise. We sifted through the nonsense to share standouts with actionable takeaways you can use to maximize your life in each of our 6Fs: Fitness. Family. Finance. Food. Fashion. Fun. Let’s go.
FAMILY: Writing a 5-Page Note to My Son On His 21st Birthday
FITNESS: The Banker Heading the New “Jacked Wall Street” Trend
FINANCE: Read “The Algebra of Wealth” and Don’t Sweat This Financial Downswing (or any others)
FOOD: $1,000 for a Pizza Maker? Yes, and it’s Worth Every Penny
FUN: Why Pickleball Is Stupid (Not Sorry, It’s True)
Better one or better two?
This is our weekly Midlife Male poll based on one of our key frameworks:
Deep down you often know the right answer when problems arise, but you overthink things. You get stuck in your own head. Don’t.
Here at MLM we believe in trusting your gut. Going with that first, honest instinct.
Same idea with this poll.
Read. React. Vote.
Let’s see what your gut tells you, then we’ll share the results next week with our own take.
A word from today’s partner*
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*Partner content
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