One of the hardest things about midlife is realizing how much of your current day-to-day life was built on inertia.
Most guys reading this worked hard for what they have. Career. Marriage. Kids. House. Responsibilities. But somewhere along the way, a lot of us stopped making deliberate choices about how we actually wanted our days to feel. We just kept adding things because they needed to be added. More obligations. More noise. More rushing around. More habits we didn’t really choose so much as inherit.
Then one day you get a brief glimpse of a version of yourself that feels calmer, clearer, healthier, more like yourself, and you realize how far away you’ve drifted from it.
I’m thinking about this because I’m currently living in California for the month. I drove here alone. That was intentional. If you read Sunday’s How I See it, you know why.
Kate and I rented a little two-bedroom, one-bathroom house for the month. $5,900. I’m not getting into whether that’s a lot or a little; I know guys on both sides of that number. What I do know is that it worked for us, our budget and our plan. That was intentional too.
We chose location over size, quality over square footage. Our son goes to college in LA and has a job for the summer, and being close to him was the whole point.
Something’s happening out here for me. Life feels good. These first few days have been different and I’m looking to see how many I can string together because I like how I’m feeling. I’m waking up early and energized. The simplicity is back. Read, write, sex, time with my family, walks and hikes, jeans and t-shirts, longer meals where I don’t feel rushed. Phone down. Great sleep. Small house. I feel creative, focused, driven, comfortable, secure; and I am not like this normally. I struggle with it every day, in fact.
Over the years I’ve tried therapy. I’ve read all the right books. Gone to the retreats and workshops and had the right podcasts on heavy rotation. None of it made the difference I was looking for. And I’ve spent a lot of time asking myself why.
At 53, here’s what I’m at: it’s not what you know, It’s what you do.
And more importantly, what you don’t do.
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Knowledge alone changes nothing. Action does. Stop waiting until you feel ready or informed enough.
Most men in their 40s and 50s are not uninformed, they’re stuck. It’s not an information gap. It’s an action gap. Learning this is both validating and liberating at the same time.
Happiness, fulfillment, health, money, relationships; even your style, everything you put on your body and in your body needs to be intentional to work.
Intentionality is a practice, not a mindset. It’s the accumulation of small, deliberate choices, not knowledge, therapy, or self-help content, that actually changes how your life feels.
In our case, intentionality this summer looks like this:
We chose to be here because our son is here. We chose the food we stocked in the house because eating a certain way matters to us. We chose a smaller place in a better location.
Little decisions. All intentional. And the compound effect of making each of those choices, the thing no self-help book, podcast or weekend retreat can replace is that doing them adds up.
The energy. The love. The joy. Everything feels better because every piece of it was chosen and then action was taken.
We’re not consuming our days out here. We’re producing them.
That’s the difference.
I know not everyone can pick up and move to California for a month. This took me 53 years to be in a position to do, and it’s still hard. I work my ass off every day. I haven’t hit my number or my goals. I put enormous pressure on myself. But I’ve learned a few things that actually matter, and the most important one is this: you always have a choice.
Can’t drive from Houston to California for time alone? Drive around a scenic part of town for an hour.
Can’t rent a place for a month? Take a staycation at a local hotel for the weekend.
Can’t go clothes shopping? Go into your closet, ditch everything you’ll never wear, and pull your favorite items to the front.
Can’t hike in the canyons? Walk for an hour wherever you are.
Can’t afford an expensive gym? Pull up YouTube and work out alongside a trainer for free.
The version of intentionality available to you right now, whatever that version is, is enough to start. You don’t need a month in California. You need one deliberate choice, made today, that you actually follow through on. And then another. And then another. Build your own streak. One small win at a time.
That is where your real identity reveals itself.
That’s what’s happening out here for me and that’s what can happen for you too.
Today’s the day you start.
In Health,
Greg Scheinman
Founder, Midlife Male
Husband. Father. Entrepreneur. Coach.
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