Some of the most honest, important conversations aren’t happening on stages or podcasts. They’re happening in text threads—late at night, between friends, when no one’s performing and there’s nothing to sell.

This is one of those. A real back-and-forth with a good friend of mine that touches everything we’re actually wrestling with as men in midlife—identity, purpose, comparison, longevity, and what it means to live a life that’s not just longer, but better.

I’m sharing it here almost exactly as it happened. Because sometimes, the truest thing you can do is just let the conversation speak for itself.

 

Me:  Check out this reel…

Friend: Wow. Good for him?

Me: Should I be offended? 😂

Friend: My take is… everyone just needs to calm down and mind to themselves. No right way to do this thing.

Me: Exactly.

Friend: Did you watch the Liver King doc on Netflix?

Me: No… not sure I’m interested in giving him that much of my time.

Friend: I was watching it (could only last like 25 minutes). My wife walked in and was like WTF is the matter with you? I promptly turned it off. Lol. The Brett Favre doc—it’s fascinating. He does NOT come out looking good.

Me: I don’t think either of ’em are good guys…

Friend: It seemed that way.

Me: I’m kinda over following most fitness guys. Especially the extreme ones who, like you said, need to take it down a notch… It’s like, “C’mon guys, there’s nothing that special about your way of lifting weights.”

Friend: My take (as a total novice and non-expert): There’s like a crest or apex of all this where everyone’s basically competing to say a variation of the same damn thing. Trick is to figure out how to say the opposite of what all these guys are pushing: “No days off,” “progressive overload,” hustle, grind…

Me: The thing I’m most interested in, and Bryan Johnson, as much as we laughed at him, kind of tapped into it, is this longevity and health span thing. I read a report last week from NFX VC that said longevity today is where AI was in 2015.

That to me is interesting. David Sinclair and all those trends. Super exciting, science-backed, just starting.

Friend: It’s not biohacking, which is… eh. It’s more: What are we learning that we can actually use to live longer, healthier, better lives? Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. I had dinner with this couple last week—both in their 70s. He was CEO of a major publisher. She started a huge online media company. Brilliant people. We talked about living to 125. And they were like: hell no.

Only if I could unlock some deeper level of consciousness. Tap into something bigger. Then maybe. But not just to live like I am today for another 50 years. That hit me. A different POV I hadn’t really considered.

Me: I agree with them. Longer is not the goal. Better is the goal. If you’re not living better, why just live longer? And if the cost—mental, physical, emotional, financial—is too high while trying to stretch out another 10–20 years… is that even a trade worth making?

Friend: You have to admit, it’s super odd. Life for most of the modern world is easier than it’s ever been. Push a button, food shows up. Bored? Flip a screen. Yet people are struggling with mental health, physical health, emotional well-being, loneliness… at a scale we’ve never seen before. That juxtaposition is wild. So yeah, I want to live longer. And healthier. But I also want to be happy.

And that’s really the goal to unlock.

Friend: And I don’t know much. But I’m pretty confident that ranting about a 4am workout isn’t the answer for him—or anyone he’s talking to. Back to your original question: Should you be offended? Hell no.

Me: True. It’s because simple is hard. All these advancements have made us lazy, complacent. We consume more than we produce. And that makes us feel empty. We just sit around comparing our lives to all the prettier, bigger, better, bolder ones we see online… While we push buttons for everything and then get up and do it again the next day.

Friend: Violent agreement with you.

Me: I was half joking about being offended… That lifestyle doesn’t seem fun to me. And respectfully, I just say, “Talk to me when you’re 50.” Let’s see how sustainable that pace, stress, and mindset really are. It’s like telling my 21-year-old not to come home too late. This is exactly the time in his life to be coming home too late. 😂

Friend: Exactly. It’s like a 72-year-old telling a 48-year-old: “Don’t focus on living longer. Focus on unlocking your conscience. You’ve done all this. You’ve built something. But have you really seen anything?” I swear—I heard that and it hit me like an epiphany. I’ve been thinking about it for a week straight.

What does that mean? What am I missing? All this stuff is just… stuff. How should I be looking at the world? That’s some real Midlife Male existentialism right there, bud.

Me: This entire chain is a great article.

Friend: I know. I was just thinking that. Have fun with it. All yours.

Me: This is how guys really talk. What they should be talking about. And how to actually go about resolving it all.

Friend: 100%.

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Greg Scheinman
Founder, Midlife Male
52. Husband. Father. Entrepreneur. Coach
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