Father’s Day has always struck me as a holiday men don’t spend much time talking about.

Maybe that’s just my circle, but I honestly can’t remember many conversations with friends about Father’s Day over the years. Nobody asks what you’re getting. Nobody talks much about where they’re celebrating. Men aren’t counting down the days or building elaborate plans around it. It just sort of arrives on the calendar and then passes by like any other weekend. If our wives and kids didn’t acknowledge, we wouldn’t care.

I think that’s because most fathers eventually realize the day itself isn’t really the point.

The dads I most admire aren’t looking for recognition. They aren’t waiting for gifts or hoping to be catered to for 24 hours. They don’t need a special meal, a new gadget, or a day dedicated to reminding everyone how hard they work. That’s not because they don’t appreciate being appreciated. It’s because fatherhood has a way of changing what you focus on. Over time, your attention shifts away from yourself and toward the people who made you a father in the first place.

When I think about what fathers really want, the answer seems pretty simple.

We want our kids to be happy. We want them to be healthy, capable, resilient, and good. We want them to find their way in the world and build lives they’re proud of. We want our families to be okay. We want the people we love to be safe, healthy, and moving in the right direction. Most fathers I know spend far more time thinking about those things than they do wondering what they’re getting for Father’s Day.

Of course, we’d all appreciate a little peace and quiet. Most dads would gladly take a few uninterrupted hours to do whatever they want without feeling guilty about it. We’d like to feel appreciated from time to time. But if we’re being honest, the greatest gift isn’t something that comes wrapped in a box. It’s the feeling that the people you care about are doing well. It’s sitting around a table, looking across the room, and knowing that everyone is healthy, happy, and together.

That’s the reward.

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The following morning, we’ll wake up and get right back to it. We’ll think about the bills, the schedules, the decisions, the opportunities, and the problems that need solving. We’ll worry about our kids, even when they’re grown. We’ll continue carrying the responsibilities that come with being a father because that’s what fathers do. We signed up for the job, we take pride in the job, and most of us wouldn’t trade it for anything.

The truth is that the only thing I’ve ever really wanted for Father’s Day since January 16, 1992, is my father.

He was 47 years old when he died. I was 17. Neither of us was ready.

And the only thing I’ve ever really wanted for Father’s Day since August 7, 2003, is my son.

He was born that day. I was 31. Neither of us was ready for that journey either. Now I have two sons and they’ve given me purpose for over two decades.

Life has a way of teaching you what matters. Losing my father made me understand that time is finite. Becoming a father made me understand how precious that time really is. The older I get, the less important the holiday becomes and the more important the people become. I don’t think much about Father’s Day itself, but I think a lot about my dad, and I think a lot about my kids. That’s where my attention goes now.

I will never get another Father’s Day with my father. Because of that, I cherish every Father’s Day I get with my children. Not because of the cards or the gifts or the plans, but because we’re together. That’s what matters. That’s what always mattered.

So if your father is still here, give him a call. If your children are nearby, spend some time with them. If you’re fortunate enough to have both, don’t take either for granted. Time moves faster than we think, and one day you’ll realize that the moments you barely noticed at the time were the ones that mattered most.

And if you’ve lost a father, a grandfather, or, God forbid, a child, please know my heart is with you this Father’s Day. I know these holidays can carry a different kind of weight.

The people are the gift. They always have been.

In Health, 

Greg Scheinman

Founder, Midlife Male

Husband. Father. Entrepreneur. Coach.

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