There comes a point in midlife when you realize that one of the healthiest things you can do is…nothing.

At least that’s what it looks like from the outside.

For years, I thought a free weekend was something to fill. There was always another dinner to accept, another event to attend, another trip to take, another invitation that felt easier to say yes to than no. Somewhere along the way, busyness started masquerading as a life well lived. We became so accustomed to staying in motion that slowing down almost felt irresponsible.

I’ve come to believe the opposite.

Doing “nothing” isn’t about wasting time. It’s about spending your time on the things you’ve decided actually matter to you. Sometimes that means being around a lot of people. Sometimes it means seeing almost no one at all. The important part isn’t how full your calendar looks. It’s whether the things on it leave you feeling more like yourself when the weekend is over.

That’s exactly what this past Fourth of July looked like for me.

I didn’t see a single firework. There wasn’t a barbecue, a neighborhood party, or a packed backyard full of people. We weren’t traveling anywhere for the holiday weekend, and for large parts of it Kate and I weren’t even together. From the outside, it probably looked like we had absolutely nothing going on.

The reality was that I spent the entire weekend doing exactly what I needed.

Coming off our Midlife Male Excellent Adventure, I was ready for some quiet. Our events require a tremendous amount of energy. There’s months of planning before they ever begin, and once they start, I’m on from the moment the first guy arrives until the last handshake goodbye. I’m making sure every man has a great experience while participating right alongside everyone else. Those weekends have produced some of the best friendships and conversations of my life. I’ve never really understood traditional networking. Give me a long hike, a workout, a great meal and a handful of interesting men over a cocktail party any day of the week.

What I’ve finally accepted, though, is that all of that interaction has a cost.

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I’m an introvert. Not in the way most people think about the word, but in the sense that being around people, even people I genuinely enjoy, requires energy. Solitude gives it back. It took me a long time to stop seeing that as something I needed to overcome. Now I simply see it as information. If I’m going to spend three days giving my attention to everyone else, I know I need to spend a little time giving some of it back to myself.

I think a lot of accomplished men struggle with this. We get so good at fulfilling obligations that eventually we stop asking ourselves whether those obligations are actually serving us. We say yes because that’s what we’ve always done. We assume every holiday has to look the same, every invitation deserves an acceptance, and every open weekend should somehow be optimized.

I’ve learned that one of the best things I can do from time to time is audit my calendar. I look at what’s on it and ask a simple question: Do I actually want to do these things? If the answer is no, I don’t need a better excuse. I just need to start saying no more often.

So my weekend of “doing nothing” ended up being full of my favorite things.

Friday, I took the day off. I swam a mile and a half because I’ve got a two-mile open water swim coming up at the end of September. Then I played pickleball for a few hours. That evening Kate went out with a friend, so I took myself to dinner. I sat at the bar of one of our favorite restaurants, ordered a Caesar salad and meatballs, and enjoyed every minute of it.

I ran into a friend who was having dinner with another couple. He looked over and said, “You’re alone? Come join us.”

It was a genuinely kind gesture, but I politely declined.

There was a time in my life when I would’ve worried about what people thought if they saw me sitting by myself. Today I don’t think twice about it. Being alone isn’t the same thing as being lonely, and I think too many men confuse the two. I wasn’t looking for company that night. I was exactly where I wanted to be.

Saturday started with coffee in the backyard and a walk with the dogs. I swam again because it’s a hundred degrees in Houston and I’d much rather be in the water than running in that heat. Kate and I spent part of the afternoon shopping for vintage Levi’s, one of our favorite things to do together. Later I hit the sauna, the cold plunge, put a mask on my face, soaked in an Epsom salt bath, used my Normatec boots and Rally massager, watched some World Cup soccer and then we headed out for an incredible Greek dinner. We were home before nine, watched the season finale of Dutton Ranch, and called it a night.

Sunday followed much the same rhythm. We walked through the farmers market before I met up with my coach Will and my friend Lionel for my first boxing session in a while. My shoulder’s finally starting to feel like itself again, which made getting back in the gym especially rewarding. I squeezed in another pickleball session, had a great lunch with Kate, spent some more time recovering, made chicken piccata with pasta and salad for dinner, watched England play Mexico and slept like a baby.

I didn’t feel like I’d missed anything.

Sure, I missed my boys, but that’s different. Auden was at Red Rocks seeing Zeds Dead all weekend. I have absolutely no idea who Zeds Dead is, but judging by the pictures, he looked like he was having the time of his life. Harper was away with his buddies doing the same. That’s exactly what they’re supposed to be doing at this stage of life.

The parties happened without me. The fireworks went off without me. Everyone survived.

What I gained instead was something I’ve learned to value far more: restoration.

By 53, I’ve stopped trying to create weekends that look good from the outside. I’d much rather have one that feels good from the inside.

That’s what my “nothing” weekend really was.

It was a weekend filled with the things that restore me, and I’ve come to believe that’s one of the highest forms of confidence a man can develop in midlife. Knowing what you need, making room for it on your calendar, and giving it to yourself without apology isn’t selfish. It’s how you become better everywhere else in your life.

Because sometimes doing nothing really means finally doing something for yourself.

In Health, 

Greg Scheinman

Founder, Midlife Male

Husband. Father. Entrepreneur. Coach.

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