“I could give you the highlight reel. You’d probably enjoy it. I’m sick of that though. That’s not what this is. Because you deserve better. Not me writing what I think you want to read or expect from me, but what I really feel. Because it’s happening; in real time and in my actual midlife.”
I’m finding this to be one of the most confusing and challenging periods of my life, and from the outside, none of that is visible. That’s why I write.
My son is graduating college in two weeks. My mother won’t be there. My father won’t be there. My brothers won’t be there. You don’t need to know the backstory on any of this. We all have families so you understand things are complicated. But it still bothers me.
My body is changing and I’m fighting myself against what I want to do, should do, need to stop doing, and how I shift into a more sustainable approach. Meanwhile, I’m injecting myself twice a week with TRT, managing ulcerative colitis, dropped $4K on PRP injections into my shoulder, and I’m wondering where’s the fun in all of this.
At the same time, I’ve got people asking me about health secrets and hacks (BTW, there are none…) and I find it one of the least interesting things to talk about. I just keep trying stuff recommended by people I trust and hope it works.
On the personal side, I missed a family funeral to speak at an event in Miami. I should’ve bailed on the event and been in Dallas with my wife alongside her. This was a mistake. I’m still sitting with that one.
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I missed an opportunity in Miami to work out, have fun and spend quality time with Jon (my business partner and our editor-in-chief), because I thought we should “maximize” the moment and network through the event and do some “info gathering” with people at lunch. Jon, of course, found himself a great sandwich that he still brings up, but overall, another bad call by me.
I should’ve invited Eric from my team down as well, done my panel, and the three of us cut out right after and go do some cool shit together. That’s how you really improve and maximize time together.
I’m feeling intense pressure to meet editorial deadlines every Sunday and Wednesday, tell original stories and share experiences that matter, which means I have to have stories and experiences that matter.
The number of men who are coming to me now with their own challenges really affects me and my mindset. It’s forcing me to change how I want to coach, how much I can handle, where my tank is being filled and where it’s being drained. There’s only so much capacity at both ends.
I’m FaceTiming the fuck out of both of my sons. There’s a side of me that doesn’t want to micro-manage them, helicopter them, or just annoy them by calling them too much, and then there’s the other side — that’s winning right now — where I don’t care, and when I’m thinking about them, I’m calling them, and I’m thinking about them a lot lately and can’t help myself.
I would’ve given anything for my dad to have been around to call me.
I’m becoming obsessed with retirement calculators and figuring out how much I need to do what I want, when I want, with who I want, for as long as I want, and pretty much say no to everything else. Beyond spending time with my family, being healthy and fit, living in an environment that brings me joy, beaches, mountains, nature, sunshine, open space, writing and eating well, I don’t know what else really matters. Find the things that make you happy, do them, be happy. Repeat. Can it really be as simple as that?
In the last 30 days I’ve hiked in Napa, taken the stage in Miami, spent time in Boulder with my son, Los Angeles with my other son, at home in Houston with my wife and dogs.
I’ve worn great clothes that make me feel like me, and I’ve tossed items that no longer serve me.
I held a baby for the first time in ages. I have friends with 3-month-old children and friends with 3-month-old grandchildren. This is mind boggling.
I’m working with guys whose lives are seemingly falling apart and we’re starting from square one again in their 40s & 50s and I’m working with guys whose lives are the best they’ve ever been in their 40s & 50s and we’re focusing on keeping it that way.
Nobody has anything figured out, that’s the most certain I am about anything.
Most of us know exactly what to do. The hard part is doing it. There is nothing harder than keeping it simple.
So why am I sharing all of this with you?
None of us are operating from a place of complete clarity. Not me, not the guys coming to me with their problems, not the ones whose lives are “the best they’ve ever been.” and not the 40,000+ of you reading this. The mess and the meaning exist simultaneously, and the work is just doing the basics, being present, and not pretending otherwise.
Put the phone down, don’t major in the minors or buy into any of the bullshit, get off of ChatGPT and Claude, stop reading and watching the news, focus on good sleep, exercise, relationships, quality foods, working on projects that hopefully bring you both joy and money at the same time. If the work doesn’t bring you joy, then hopefully it makes you enough money to go out and spend it on doing something that does. And if none of it’s working, then the work you need to do is on yourself.
You don’t need my permission. But I’m giving it to you. Permission to be accomplished and confused at the same time. Permission to make the wrong call sometimes. Permission to call your kids too much. Permission to not have it figured out. And permission to feel Less alone.
That’s what I’ve got for you.
In Health,
Greg Scheinman
Founder, Midlife Male
Husband. Father. Entrepreneur. Coach.
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