Look, let’s cut to the chase. An essential part of becoming a real adult as a midlife male is getting your financial shit together. Many of us grew up in homes where nobody taught us a damn thing about money management or investing. We had to figure it out on our own, picking up bits from CNBC, books or buddies over beers. 

Meanwhile, we’re drowning under mortgage payments, the house is falling apart, the kids need college funds, the wife wants a vacation, and somehow, we’re supposed to be saving for retirement too. It’s a hell of a mental load to carry, especially without a game plan.

Don’t Carry the Burden Alone

Too often, men embark on this challenging financial journey alone and struggle to communicate effectively with their partners or children. This can lead to private pressures and stresses that no one seems to understand, especially when things aren’t going well. Sadly, some men tend to hide their financial mistakes from their partners out of embarrassment, which is completely understandable but not helpful. Financial disagreements and differences are some of the leading causes of divorce, so let’s get real with a plan.

Honest money talks with your partner can be brutal – trust me, I’ve had my share of them. Especially when one of you enjoys saving, and the other one’s nickname is “Add to Cart.” This is precisely why you need to hash out the money conversation before you put a ring on it, or you’ll be having some very uncomfortable nights down the road.

Napkin Math

Here’s what worked for me – creating a simple financial roadmap that everyone in the family can understand. Nothing fancy, just a straightforward guide to reference when you need to make those tough calls that keep your plan on track. I’m a big believer in napkin math. 

If I can’t sketch it out on a bar napkin, it’s too complicated.

Start with an honest inventory of where your money goes each month. And I mean brutally honest. In my household, I don’t obsess about the individual categories of spending (most of the time). Instead, I focus on the monthly total and annual spending since some months just hit harder than others. This allows me to focus on the bigger picture – how to grow our wealth through smart investments. Without assets to invest, hitting your “number” is just a pipe dream.

My Four Areas of Focus:

1. Annual Income – Budgeted Spending = Funding for Retirement Accounts
2. College Savings Accounts Funding Status
3. Annual retirement Income desired divided by 5% = Assets Required for Retirement
4. Other Income Sources in Retirement – Social Security, Pensions, Rental Income, Etc.

Let Technology Be the Bad Guy

Without controlling our spending, building wealth simply won’t happen. Period. I recommend apps like Monarch Money (my personal favorite), Quicken Simplifi, Origin, or YNAB. Let the app do the heavy lifting by automatically adding up your spending categories and total spending to date. I like to take a focused look on the third week of the month, so we have a chance to course correct in the final week or celebrate a good month with a nice dinner out. 

If you don’t have a handle on your money, it will have a handle on you.

Important Goals Need Accountability

My retirement goal has always been simple – zero debt and sufficient assets generating after-tax income to cover my planned monthly spending during retirement. I have been building a portfolio of tax-exempt bonds for years to reach this goal, along with dividend-paying equities, so my progress is very measurable. Still, this plan will always be at risk without spending controls.

If you and your partner team up on financial goals and check in regularly, you’ve got a fighting chance of staying the course. However, both of you must be fully committed. Having that difficult conversation when spending is out of control sucks, but it’s necessary and could save your marriage and retirement. It’s time to face what nobody wants to talk about so we can move on to more important topics.

The flywheel of wealth is the self-reinforcing cycle where income leads to savings, which are invested to generate returns that increase income, creating a continuously accelerating system of wealth accumulation through compounding.

As Pharrell Williams reminds us, “You have to get on the right side of money.”

Midlifemale
Midlifemale
Midlifemale
Midlifemale
Midlifemale
Ron Speaker
Midlife Male Contributor