I wrote this letter to my son Auden, right after he lost his first amateur boxing match last week. My dad was a letter writer. It’s one of the ways I honor his memory, by writing. His letters are my most prized possessions. The crazy thing? If I somehow lost them, I already have every word, every message he conveyed and every lesson he wanted me to learn committed to memory.
When I die (and I intend to be here for a very long time), I want my sons to say “Our dad never stopped trying to help us… Not do things for us, but actually help us get better and be the best we could be every day. He wrote to us constantly, sent articles, clips, notes, examples of anything and everything he thought could teach us something. About everything… We could handle it all, except the really bad dad jokes… but we get it now.”
However, when I re-read the letter to Auden, just before giving it to him, I realized I wasn’t just writing to him, I was writing to me too. And I think that’s what my dad was doing as well.
The punchline: Men need to take more of their own advice. The same lessons we tell our kids about courage, humility, consistency, and perseverance are the ones we often forget to practice ourselves.
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Auden,
I am exceptionally proud of you. When you called me to ask about doing this boxing event, I felt it would be a great life experience for you and now, having seen you throughout the past 6-8 weeks I’m 100% certain that it was.
While you didn’t get the win in the ring, you got the win in life and that’s so much bigger. It’s hard to swallow right now, as it should be; it’s okay to be emotional when something you’ve worked hard for doesn’t go your way, but that’s also a big part of the overall win:
Learning how to persevere when you come up short. Or, more to the point, moving on when you gave it your all and still lost.
What I noticed over the last weeks is a positive change in your confidence, voice, demeanor, health, and yes, physique. You told me when you wanted to take on this challenge that you thought it would help you with discipline, your grades and getting in better shape. You committed and did all of this, YOU. By showing up every day. Don’t forget that. And it’s just the beginning if you continue to nurture these healthy habits for the rest of your life.
You did something that only 14 other people did! There were 1000 kids there watching and only 14 who had the guts to get in the ring. That’s impressive. You weren’t afraid to try. To take that step into the unknown and leave it all in the ring. You should feel very good about yourself for that.
As you digest the entire experience, ask yourself this question:
How did you feel throughout the training? And I don’t mean just the boxing itself, but rather your overall health, routine, fitness, clarity, and how you perceive yourself?
No matter how much you want something, there’s someone out there who wants it just as much. The saying goes “train quietly like an underdog, and fight like the champion.” You didn’t get beat because your skill wasn’t there, you got beat because you let your plan get away from you and your opponent executed better than you on this night. Own it. That’s how we learn.
Now let’s talk about humility and sportsmanship.
Your post fight interview was not your best moment. I think I told you I did the same thing after one of my fights when I was your age. I was pissed, adrenaline pumping and I said some things I regret. This isn’t just for the ring. It’s for life. Maintain humility and graciousness. Congratulate opponents/competitors. When you get fired (and you will), act professionally. With friends and girlfriends, be respectful and don’t allow ego and anger to control you. Remember a couple of things:
- How you do one thing is how you do everything.
- You’re only as good as your worst day.
So from here, learn and move forward. It’s the only direction to go. As Nelson Mandela said, “You never lose. You either win, or you learn”. He’s right.
You are so loved Auden. You never cease to amaze me when you decide to do something you’ve never done before. You move at your own pace, consider it and then go out and do it. I’ve observed it with you for years, picking up lacrosse, building a gaming computer, becoming a madraheim at school when you didn’t even want to apply at first because you thought you didn’t have a chance, the speech you were selected to give at the athletic banquet that you didn’t think you could write, much less deliver in front of hundreds, your volunteering at camp impact summer after summer and making a difference in kids lives, getting into CU and the biz school at Leeds (which led to all of this), deferring your bid and taking your time on rushing/pledging so that it suited you, working jobs every semester to earn money and now stepping into a ring and so many more things.
While we weren’t able to pull off surprising you with our attendance at Fight Night (you’re too smart and figured us out), by now you know to never be surprised. Your mom and I will always be there for you, whether in person, a phone call, or just in your heart always.
Love you kiddo.
Dad
PS: And never give up on the jab…It was working!
In Health,
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Greg Scheinman
Founder, Midlife Male
52. Husband. Father. Entrepreneur. Coach.
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