Blog / Podcast

Feels like it’s been a very long week tacked on to the end of a very long year…

Had a birthday. My kids have been away. My kids are now home.

I’ve had tons of energy and also been extremely tired.

Hanukah, Christmas, end of year renewals at work, looking back on goals and plans I made, making goals and plans for next year, gift giving, card writing, stressing, relaxing…It’s all there at the end of the year.

Strange times we’re in for sure.

Do you take stock of your year?

Do you look back?

Even though we’re not going that way, I still think it’s important to reflect, be accountable and use the past to help us improve for the future.

Here’s what I wrote down on 1/1/2020 – This has lived at the top of my Evernote for the entire year.

1. Meditate, Practice gratitude, breathe
2. Do the hard things first.
3. Revisit your endgame/goals daily
4. Don’t fuck with things that don’t move the needle
5. Be Intentional
6. Exercise
7. Ask questions: How can I serve you? Who do you know that can help me?

I am forced to look at it every day when I open the app and start my day.

Have I done these 7 things every day for the entire year? Hell no.

But…I’ve done my best and I find myself revisiting this list often when I feel “Off” and it helps pull me back on track.

Here’s what’s listed right underneath it. My goals for the year.

• Write 200k + NB revenue/retain 90+% current clients thru:
  • Grow my book of business by 20%
  • Stay in Presidents Club
• Systematically grow The Midlife Male:
  • Produce two 15 episode seasons of Podcasts
  • Publish weekly Newsletter
  • Use brand to develop business/networking opportunities
• Pay off all debt (cc’s, cars)
• Focus on QUALITY clients/relationships over quantity
• Pre-Pay All Taxes
• Stay on monthly budget!
• Plan trips for weekends and year
• Value experiences over things!
• Develop a uniform! Streamline wardrobe to reduce shopping / anxiety
• Upgrade Furniture – Dining Table, Master Bedroom, Patio, Garage Gym (This was a “covid” late entry and YES I realize I also set a goal of experiences over things)
• Have Quarterly “goals” meeting with boys and Kate to help figure out our priorities and what’s important – camp, sports, education, travel, money… so that we can be better as a family
• Train to live, perform and think better – Movement, Yoga, Boxing, XPT, D10, Recovery
• Practice functional, flexible, longevity based fitness surrounded by like minded people
• Limit/minimize distractions and negativity
• Read and listen more
• Choose Day over night
• Get the band back together and play a gig
• Meditate daily
• Have sex 2-3x per week
• Say NO to anything that does not contribute to achieving the above goals!

Maybe this seems like a lot.

Perhaps it doesn’t seem like much.

Doesn’t matter. It’s mine.

Did I accomplish everything on it? Not quite.

Did I blow some area’s out of the water? Yes.

Did I miss the mark on others? Yup.

Is it personal to actually put it all out there. Sure.

By putting it out there it actually relieves a ton of pressure because it becomes pretty obvious why I do what I do, what I’m doing it for and eliminates any excuses or need for explanations.

I haven’t made 2021’s list yet.

I plan to do that while sitting on the beach in Cabo celebrating the end of 2020 and my anniversary with Kate (And no kids with us!).

You’ll see it when I’m done.

Until then, get started on your own.

Want help? Reach out.

In Health –

G

Where is there room for much else?

It’s a question I’ve been asking myself a lot lately.

I’ll be 48 years young on Wednesday and when I consider Family, Fitness & Health, Career & Finances, Friends & Relationships and a hobby or two where does that leave room for much else?

It doesn’t.

Does it make you selfish?

That you have established boundaries, know what’s important to you and maintain the discipline and consistency necessary to be successful and happy.

That you like what you like.

That you do what works without comparison or compromise.

That you’re protective of your time, value, mental, physical, familial and financial responsibilities

That you’ve become increasingly more discerning about who, where, what can get in.

I can’t make more time and I don’t have any more space so if something or someone’s getting in, something else has got to go. And that something or someone must be better than what’s already there.

The days of switching, changing, swapping for just anything or anyone are over.

Loyalty, quality and stability matter.

Of course, I want to be supportive of my friends, relationships, businesses and brands…But they too, must deliver value in return.

And If they’re not, it’s my responsibility to tell them why.

Not so much that they have to listen or cater to me or even change, but rather to ensure that they know that I care and are informed as to why something does/does not work for me.

I never want to hear “Why didn’t you tell me that before. I could’ve done something about it” from anyone –

I realize that 2020 has been an absolute shit show for many of us, the majority of us even but as I’m just days away from completing another trip around the sun, this has been one of the best years of my life.

That’s not to brag or seem insensitive – I own it. I’m built for this.

The three other people you see in the picture above are the primary reason.

That’s where my world starts and stops.

This year we’ve gotten closer, shared experiences, opportunities and made memories we would not have otherwise been able to do if we’d been living our “normal” life plan.

We literally made it to the top of the mountain.

If you don’t believe you can change. You can.

If you don’t feel you can commit, you won’t.

If you don’t prioritize yourself, nobody else will.

If you don’t open your mind, it’ll stay closed.

If you don’t remove what no longer serves you, you cannot be of service.

If you are unwilling to give you should not expect to receive.

I have realized who cares about me and more importantly who does not.

There has been a conscious shift in my personal and professional balance.

I have come to love being alone, simplicity and controlling only which I can control.

Yet I am not lonely, simple nor uncontrollable.

I have learned to prioritize my family, fitness, finances, friends and how to improve in every one of those areas. I am still learning every day.

To set boundaries. And actually maintain them.

That not everything is worth fighting about or for. Let go.

When you find something that is worth fighting about or for. Win it.

By investing in others, I am investing in myself.

There is no need to always go to extremes. The middle is often just fine.

So as #ThisIs48 begins for me and this year that has been so challenging for so many comes to an end, I am optimistic and hopeful that there are brighter times ahead for all of us.

Thank you all for reading, listening, following, subscribing, buying, being my friends, supporting, criticizing, commenting, challenging, hating on and loving.

It all counts. It’s all worth it.

I am an incredibly lucky and fortunate man.

In Health – G

This year’s holiday gift guide; is actually more of a list. A long list, but I’ve found that 1) People like lists and 2) I like a lot of people, brands, experiences and things so this got lengthy fast.

I also realize we’re already into Hanukah…My bad.

While I don’t go into deep detail about every single thing on the list, you can trust that if it’s on here I either use it, own it, know the people involved, insure it, invested in it, tried and tested it, wear it, eat it, listen to it, have read it or been to it.

It’s a list that’s focused on experiences, people, products that provide experiences, improvement, community, health, happiness, improvement, investment, growth and support.

My focus is on people. Now, more than ever we need connection. We need step up and help those in need and those whose ideas, visions, businesses, courses and brands deserve to not only survive this time but turn the corner and thrive in the future.

I really believe that food tastes better when you know who’s made it.

That the clothes on my body wear better when I know who’s made them.

That the products I put in my system come from brands where I trust what the founders put in them.

That the equipment I use is made by people who actually care about health & fitness.

Often we forget that there are real people behind the businesses and products out there and that we have a choice as to where and how to spend our money and who to support.

Whether it’s for me, my wife, my children, extended family and friends and even my dogs, it all comes back to people.

And I want to see people succeed and go home to their families happy each night.

This little shift in perspective changes everything as a consumer.

I included links and names where I could in order to help you get to as many of the things on the list easier. If I missed any or I goofed, none of these are hard to find thanks to the wonders of Google so don’t give up;)

Fitness –

Ladder app – If you’re working out at home, this is a great app w/great trainers https://joinladder.com

Marcus Filly – I’m loving Marcus’s Functional Bodybuilding program. He provides excellent demos and IG content daily as well https://revival-strength.com

Phase6 – https://www.phase6fitness.com Movement and flow has become an integral part of my training and this is some of the best programming I’ve found. Has made a huge difference and at 48, it’s imperative to be able to move well.

XPT – From pool workouts to contrast therapy to breathwork XPT’s programs are amazing. Laird Hamilton is the quintessential Midlife Male https://xptlife.com

The Khango Way – If you’re in Houston there’s no better gym and no better trainers than Dose & Taj Khan. Now, it’s even more of a family affair with their brother and sisters joining team. Sign up at https://thekhangoway.com

Dr. Jen Esquer’s Optimal Body Program is an excellent way to get your body back into alignment and feeling it’s best – https://www.docjenfit.com

BlueChip Boxing – Houston friends looking to box, Will Morris is your guy. BlueChip Boxing makes house calls and will train you, your kids, your wife and maybe even your dog…Find him on IG.

MidlifeMale Essentials –

Onnit – Steel Clubs & Mace’s have become a major part of my training. Onnit has you covered on these. Buy the course as well. It’s important to learn to use these tools properly. http://onnit.com

Sorinex – If you buy one thing from Sorinex, make it the Glute Ham Developer/Roller. For $170 it’s an incredibly versatile piece of gear for upper and lower body development. https://www.sorinex.com

Nuo Bells – Adjustable dumbbells are great, if you get the right ones. They save space and money. My preference are Nuo Bells. They go from 5-80lbs at a click. They’re well built, easy to adjust and they’re shaped like dumbbells as opposed to powerblocks, which are rectangular. https://smrtft.com

Rogue Fitness for Kettlebells and plates. https://www.roguefitness.com

Concept2 – For cardio you can’t beat Concept 2 for rower and ski erg. The best in the game. https://www.concept2.com They’ll last forever, you can’t beat them and no impact on your. Joints.
Assault Bike – One more on the cardio front. The assault bike. Deadly effective machine and my favorite torture device. Incredible value for what it delivers. https://www.assaultfitness.com/products/airbike-classic

Wellness

Restore Hyperwellness – I love this company. For sustainability, longevity, recovery, anti-aging Restore is the best. They have locations across the US. https://restore.com

Hyperice – I own pretty much all of their products. The Hypervolt is my favorite. They have vibrating rollers, balls and now they own Normatec so you can buy the recovery boots as well. https://hyperice.com

Powerdot – Another favorite of mine the powerdot is a super effective TENS unit that’s Bluetooth operated. I use mine at least 3x a week. https://www.powerdot.com

Cold Plunge – I put a cold plunge in my backyard and it’s been a game changer. 14.8 cu ft. maytag chest freezer. Fill with water, Epsom salt and Hydrogen Peroxide and set a timer/temp gauge to keep it at the temp you want. Cost effective way to have 24/7 access to freeze yourself.

Sauna – Amazing health benefits from sauna’s. I ordered mine from Sunlighten – Lots of options to choose from https://www.sunlighten.com

HydroFlask – Water all day every day. These are the best water bottles around. https://www.hydroflask.com

CBD – I use CBD daily and Canvas1839 is the best I’ve tried. https://www.canvasrelief.com

Headspace – This app is worth every penny. I struggle with meditation and having Headspace on my phone is extremely helpful.

Books

Rich Roll – One of my favorite podcasts Rich just released Voicing Change, his latest book. Pick up a copy https://www.richroll.com

Matthew McConaughey – Greenlights is a tremendous book. Alright, alright, alright. https://greenlights.com

Mark Hsu – Please Open in The Event of My Death https://mascotbooks.com/mascot-marketplace/buy-books/nonfiction/bios-and-memoirs/please-open-in-the-event-of-my-death/

Jamey Rootes – The Winning Game plan has stellar insight from the President of The Houston Texans https://jameyrootes.com

George Kroustalis – Secrets to Becoming A Financial Badass https://www.amazon.com/Secrets-Becoming-Financial-Badass-Kroustalis/dp/1684011345

Apparel

Ten Thousand – I’m very discerning about my training gear and Ten Thousand has the best shorts and tights around. I’m digging the new hoodies as well. http://tenthousand.cc

Rhone – For #WFH and exactly the way I’d like to look every day; Professional, Athletic, Comfortable Rhone is the top. They do everything well. I’m partial to the joggers, vests and henley’s.

Municipal – Sport Utility Gear. Super clean, casual and cool. https://municipal.com

Altra Running – The Solstice is my training shoe. I’ve found none better. I’ve tried tons. Thank me later. https://www.altrarunning.com

Watch

Weiss Watch Co. – I get more compliments when I wear my Weiss than any of my watches. Watchmaker Cameron Weiss is something special. https://weisswatchcompany.com

Food/Supps/Restaurants

Sans – I just got hooked on these bars. Clean and simple ingriedients. I keep them with me always now. https://sansmealbar.com

Strong Coffee – Every morning. https://strongcoffeecompany.com

EBoost – The Watermelon BCAA’s are my favorite. https://www.eboost.com

LifeToGo – https://www.lifetogo.com This new superstore carries many of my client’s and friends products. Well curated and easy platform. Check them out.

Athletic Greens – Every morning. I do not get enough greens in my daily life so AG is a huge help. Get a subscription and make it a habit. https://athleticgreens.com/us

FroPro – These frozen snack bars are amazing. They’re a Go To dessert, post workout cool snack or any time my kids need something. https://www.gofropro.com

Bread Man Co. – Heck yes I eat bread! The ciabatta and focaccia is off the charts good. Their pizza dough I need to buy by the dozen each week as the boys and kate devour it. Find them throughout Texas and if you can’t get them now in your area, just wait…Gonna be huge brand! https://www.breadmanco.com

Dish Society – Buy gift cards to this amazing local Houston restaurant group. Breakfast, lunch and dinner options and all are great. If you order the farmers plate with chicken, greens and sweet potatoes, that’s my dish;) https://www.dishsociety.com

Bosscat/BCK – Houston & Cali Bosscat, BCK, Ten Asian Bistro…Grab your gift cards. Order the burger “Chef’s Way”. https://www.bosscatkitchen.com

ClarkCooper Concepts – Coppa is a favorite however everything Grant does is terrific. Use gift cards at any of their restaurants in H’town. https://www.clarkcooperconcepts.com

Local Foods – Sandwiches and salads couldn’t be better than at Local Foods. https://www.localfoodstexas.com

Blood Bro’s BBQ – The guys’ make the best chicken, brisket fried rice and kale salad (yes, kale salad at a BBQ joint!). They get raves for their ribs and other items, I’m just a creature of habit;) http://bloodbrosbbq.com

Skincare

Huron – Clean skin products that work. Face wash, body wash and eye stick are my everyday essentials. My boys use it to. They just added shampoo, conditioner…But im bald;) https://usehuron.com

LabTo Beauty -This is some terrific, high end stuff. Their CBD line is terrific. Masks, oils, washes. I did their 30 day challenge and saw a big difference in my skin. https://labtobeauty.com

Coaching

Chris Bernal – My coach. Chris helped me tremendously and our work together made me a better person, thinker and performer. http://effectivesystemsltd.com

Steve Schlafman – professional certified coach, angel investor, facilitator, speaker, former operator and recovering VC. Dedicated to helping entrepreneurs bring their boldest visions to life and evolve into extraordinary leaders. https://schlaf.me

Phil Goglia – Performance Fitness Concepts has been a worldwide leader of nutritional counseling for the past 33 years. Phil Goglia is one of the best there is. Before you jump on some fad diet or go Keto, Paleo or anything else. http://www.pfcnutrition.com

Jon Mitchell, PA – Personalized Functional Medicine programs to improve energy, mental clarity, and resolve chronic health issues. https://jonmitchellpa.com/

No New Podcast or video this week. I took some time to relax, slow down, be more present with my family and to be thankful.

Sometimes it’s nice just to do nothing. To be thankful for the privilege and prosperity to choose to do less.

I took a few extra cold plunges and epsom salt baths, resubscribed to Headspace and got back onto my meditation schedule, ate a ridiculous amount of food. Enjoyed training with my brother, my boys, my wife and took a bunch of time to send “Thank you’s” to friends, clients and those I value and who have helped me this year, in years past and that I hope will continue to help me in the future.

I read a bit more, responded to emails a lot more slowly (which is a topic for another blog altogether as I don’t know about you but every time I slow down and don’t respond to shit right away, I make far better decisions, come across as less of a reactive asshole, change my perspective and either respond in far more productive and positive manner or realize that I don’t even need to respond at all.)

While 2020 is not the year anyone could’ve anticipated, it remains a year of progress, purpose, pivot, passion and perseverance. As the saying goes; “If you want to hear g-d laugh, make a plan”.

I made a quick list of things I’m thankful for.

It’s certainly not all inclusive but I’ve picked up this little “trick” or “attitude aid” this year where I write down three things I’m grateful for each morning (at least I try to anyway…I miss quite a few days) and when I do, I always feel better.

Perception and perspective really are quite amazing attributes.

These do not have to be “gargantuan”, life changing things.

They can be as simple as eating a good piece of fruit (no idea why I chose that as an example) or having sex with your wife when you didn’t expect it (better example).

Regardless, it’s your list.

Jot it down on a napkin while having breakfast, on your phone or I like to use my personal stationary so it’s got my name on the top and then I write a 1, 2 and 3 on the card and fill it in before I head out for the day (although I rarely head out anywhere anymore…You get my point). This way I can keep the cards and refer back to them or hand a seemingly appropriate one to the boys when they may need a slight “attitude adjustment”.

Plus, it just looks cool and like I’m in some semblance of control of my life to have these personalized cards around.

Here’s 20 things I’m thankful for:

1. Family
2. Friends
3. Health
4. Clients
5. Colleagues
6. Our firm being acquired
7. Every one of my podcast guests
8. Cold plunge
9. Sauna
10. Garage Gym
11. My truck
12. Guitars
13. Great food
14. My trainers, mentors, coaches and advisors
15. Every one of my subscribers
16. Writing this newsletter
17. Road trips
18. My bed
19. Coffee
20. New opportunities

What’s on your list?

In Health –

G

Good morning everyone

This week I want to talk about loyalty and the three types of loyalty that exist.

Loyalty is an important component for men. In business and in life. Not only do you need loyal colleagues who care about your business but you also need loyal clients who see your relationship as mutually beneficial and respectful. On a more personal level, loyalty stands for commitment and dedication to another allowing respect and trust to flourish.

I’ve broken it down into three types of loyalty; each important in its own way.

Blind loyalty – “blind loyalty” is defined as being loyal to a person or cause despite the damage the person or cause does to oneself or others. It involves excusing bad behavior in the name of protecting allegiance to another person. It also means caring for someone no matter what he or she does. It’s even that gym membership or subscription you keep paying for even though you never use it.

Active loyalty – “active loyalty” are those who are not afraid to challenge and push you tell you when you’re being an asshole . They’ll give you their thoughts opinions and ideas without judgement and when you don’t listen they still stick with you. In business active loyalty is also described as those clients and customers who not only use your product or service but actively recommend it to others as well.

No loyalty – While simple in theory this one is difficult in practice as often we don’t realize or want to acknowledge that someone has no loyalty until after we’re on the receiving end. It’s also the difference between a customer and a client. A client can fall into the top two categories while a customer is a commodity based transaction.

You can make the argument that my dog is blindly loyal and that no matter what kind of day I’m having, what kind of person I am when I come home that tail is wagging, they’re happy to see me and I’m getting kisses. There’s a place for bling loyalty in business because if I can count on that recurring revenue from somebody who’s blindly loyal I can plan around that know and know I’m going to allocate time and resources elsewhere.

No loyalty is pretty easy; once you realize that’s the position you’re in. I’ll be your insurance agent so long as I have the cheapest price or what my firm has to offer is best for you at the time, but as soon as it’s not you’re gone. We’re friends, or even just friendly so long as I’ve got your son playing shortstop on the team, but as soon as Timmy moves to the outfield you go cold.

It’s active loyalty where the real value is and where it’s so hard to find those types of people and establish and maintain long term mutually beneficial relationships that have the strength and foundation to challenge you and your choices, work thru conflicts, differences of opinion, call you on you on your bullshit in both business and in life and show empathy and support even when you make a mistake.

Here’s something I found online (And if you’ve watched the Social Dilemma Documentary then you understand why this popped up on my search for loyalty….Scary stuff, truly)

Ines Temple, president of LHH-DBM Peru and LHH Chile, understands the importance of loyalty and shares 15 things about loyalty she has learned during her long and successful career.

1. Loyalty is not something people talk about much and, lately, it even seems unpopular in certain environments, but it is a vital quality to possess and, especially, to expect in the business world and even more so in our personal lives.

2. It is hard to define loyalty, but very easy to recognize it. Loyalty is valuable because it allows us to take the risk of predicting the actions and behavior of people we trust.

3. One may not always correctly decide who to be loyal to, and some people may even disappoint us or deceive us when we are loyal to them. Despite all this, loyalty always allows us to be true to ourselves and to our values.

4. It may be hard to be loyal sometimes, and often costly, but loyalty defines who we are and how well we sleep at night. It guarantees a clean conscience and a positive and transparent life.

5. Loyalty must never be blind or submissive. Such loyalty is unsound and may even cause career suicide. Being loyal is being devoted and vulnerable, but never naive.

6. It is important to be loyal to the past. There is no use in denying or hiding from it and, contrary to popular belief, attempting to do so usually only makes our efforts to hide from it that much more evident. Bad-mouthing former bosses, former companies or collaborators only shows a latent disloyalty and alerts others to certain future betrayal. Watch out when hiring!

7. Loyalty demands integrity and consistency. You can’t be loyal, for instance, in business, to your partners, your boss or your company and not be loyal to your romantic partner, your family or your friends, and vice versa.

8. Who should you never trust? Those who betray guiltlessly, out of habit or because of petty reasons. To cover their betrayals, these people fall into a web of lies and slander that they cannot get out of and that shows who they really are.

9. The most painful of disloyalties? Not being loyal to yourself or giving up your dreams and principles, even if this sounds trite or cliche.

10. The hardest thing? To forgive someone’s disloyalty when we expected much more from them. Should we forgive them? Perhaps. I leave that decision up to you. But better not to place our trust in them ever again.

11. If someone betrays one of his friends or a member of his team, he will certainly betray all others in due time. And watch out, you might be next!

12. Can someone who isn’t loyal still deserve our respect? No. Being loyal requires character and integrity, two impossible virtues for those who are weak or lacking of a moral compass.

13. Sometimes, one must be loyal even to those who don’t deserve it or appreciate it. As we have already said, loyalty is an act of integrity and personal values. Many times, loyalty has to do more with oneself than with the subject of our loyalty.

14. Gratitude compels us to be loyal and vice versa. The ungrateful tend to be disloyal and the disloyal to be ungrateful. Better to stay away from both, to identify them early on and not give them second chances. By contrast, nothing should be more treasured than loyal friends and collaborators!

15. Being loyal pays off with a legion of people who are loyal, who have our backs and protect us from the disloyal. People who are loyal deserve my entire admiration and respect. Just as they are loyal, they are reliable and morally sound. Hooray for loyal collaborators, friends and families! Nothing compares to them.

Thanks for all your support and loyalty. Have a great Sunday.

In Health –

G

My boys go back to school in person on Monday, more offices are beginning to open back up, clients are seeking meetings and site visits again, Fall Ball baseball, basketball and box lacrosse are starting and I’ve even got concert tickets for the 18th.

I’m scared.

Scared of going back to being busy.

To reverting to old habits of perpetual motion and saying yes (either by words or action) rather than remaining true to the habits I’ve worked hard to develop of doing less with more focus and making time to be still.

Recently I’ve been posting my schedule on Instagram. Rundowns of what my days look like. Initially I started doing this for myself; to see if I was doing too much or too little, was I being busy instead of productive and what should stay and more importantly what should go. I posted some of these as I was curious to gauge response and also because (and if you’ve been reading my stuff lately then you know this…) I’ve been fixated on HOW and not WHY lately.

Two things stood out:

On the days I “did” the most, the feedback was super positive; as if doing more was simply better in some way. I attribute this to the “hustle and grind” mentality that is everywhere and literally killing us IMO.

The days I “did” less didn’t get much response at all and in one case deemed “unimpressive” via DM. I attribute this to people simply not being OK with empty space. Which is a problem.

It’s vital to make time to be still. To carve out space for ourselves to think, contemplate, relax, breathe and slow down.

The SEAL’s say it “Slow is smooth, smooth is fast.” It’s true. I’ve been taking this pool workout class on Saturday’s and we work on just that concept. Slow down your breathing, your heart rate, take fewer strokes, focus on technique. You end up going much farther, faster.

Perhaps you’ve seen the side by side of the cyclists, or you’ve lived this experience as I have during my first Triathlon. One is peddling super-fast and giving maximum effort (me) and the other is steadily paced and looking effortless.

The cyclist with the smooth and steady cadence blows right by the “busy bee” who gets further discouraged and tries even harder to catch up only to fall further behind and burn out.

Making time to be still and accepting that having down time is ok is imperative.

For those of us with busy lives, careers, families, fomo, anxiety, insecurities and even desires to do more, accomplish more and see more, this can be really challenging.

Particularly because filling time is a distraction and we often trick ourselves into doing more things so that we can avoid spending time working on ourselves.

Here’s a link to an article I like about the power in being still.

https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-power-in-being-still-how-to-practice-stillness/

As we re-approach “normal” be cognoscente and pay attention to what you’re allowing to creep back into your life and what you may be losing or gaining in doing so.

In Health –

G

I recently realized that I get paid quite a lot of money to workout, host a podcast, write this newsletter, try amazing products, work with tremendous people and brands and have a lot of quality time on my hands.

That’s why I don’t quit my “job”, throw caution to wind and follow my “passion”.

There is no perfect. Doing nothing more than continually following your passions is a cop out and can lead to a pretty unfulfilling existence.

So, how’d I arrive at this spot and how am I able to keep doing it?

By not quitting my job but rather doing my job better and better.

Now before you go saying I’m settling, I’m not happy, compromising, selling myself short, missing anything or will one day be on my deathbed feeling regretful, let me tell you that’s complete bullshit.

I have followed ALL of my passions. Still am.

In my twenties I produced movies; Two Ninas w/ the amazing Amanda Peet, Ron Livingston, Cara Buono won a bunch of festivals and you can find it on Amazon and Netflix now. Check it out! It holds up. Boricuas Bond w/Method Man, Tyson Beckford, Big Pun, Treach, Onyx and more. Not exactly a great film but we sold it to USA Films and I’m sure you can find it if you really look. I’ve never even watched it myself.

In my 30’s I went full on entrepreneur with my love of sports and being a new dad founding Team Baby Entertainment. Growing the company from selling hastily produced sports themed dvds out of the trunk of my car to a 10M+ valuation and deals w/NBA, MLB, NCAA working with celebs such as…being on Donnie Deutsch, NY Times and selling to Michael Eisner. We imploded a few years after as the dvd market went in the crapper and pediatricians started telling parents that putting your kid in front of the TV to watch Baby Einstein or our videos was not such a great idea after all.

In my early 40’s I opened ROW Studios to turn my love for fitness into a business. 5 years of sweat, lost friendships and money and I was out.

I made movies and realized I wasn’t really passionate about them at all. In fact, I rarely watch anything anymore.

I made hokey little sports videos, was on the road all the time at trade shows, markets, vendors, campuses and doing press and marketing constantly and completely missed the mark on the transition of hard goods (dvds) to apps/online/streaming.

When I opened the gym I was in the best shape of my life. Could never quite figure out the model, get aligned with my partners and manage the team properly. When I sold it, I was in the worst shape I’d been in in 10 years, physically and mentally.

I haven’t actually been very good at any of the things I was passionate about when it came to making them viable businesses. More importantly, I certainly wasn’t all that happy with all the added pressures and responsibilities I was taking on.

In between TBE and ROW I made a “wiser” career decision and joined INSGroup. I did my own personal SWOT analysis; considered my strengths, weaknesses, successes and failures, what i’d learned and what I still wanted to learn. The type of service I wanted to provide and value I felt I could bring. The types of clients I wanted to represent and the types that I felt would want someone with my experience, skill set, passion and commitment to insuring success in business and in life to represent them.

I factored in longevity, sustainability, quality of life, risk v reward, recurring revenue, the lifestyle I wanted to live, the lifestyle I wanted to be able to provide for my family and a few other criteria.

Literally everyone I knew was like “What? You’re gonna go sell insurance now? You were on the Big Idea last year? You were Michael Eisners Partner. You were producing films with Harvey Weinstein BEFORE he was a pariah”.

Yeah, but I wasn’t happy, wasn’t really making life changing money, didn’t have any consistency or discipline and came to the realization that no matter what your passion and interests are…work is very much still work. Nothing is glamorous.

What’s real is that:

Residual income is a great thing.

Being able to work with anyone I want is exciting.

Having something to offer that everyone has to have is a whole lot better than trying to sell something that nobody needs.

Building a book of business is better than owning a business and all the headaches that come along with it.

Doing good work for good people is satisfying.

Every industry, office, system, business and culture is fucked up to a certain degree. It’s just how you see it, respond and perform in it that matters.

Money buys freedom and discipline equals freedom. Have both.

If I told you you could make (insert your magic # here) working out and hosting a podcast would you take it?

Now what if I told you you had to work for 10+ years to build that book of business that throws off that kind of revenue in order to get it?

Would you still do it?

And that you’d have to put in 10, 20, sometimes 50 hours a week to maintain it and even grow it?

Would you do it then?

I know why you want to host the show, take the pictures, follow your passion, travel, exercise, be influential, etc….But pay attention to the “how” you’ll be able to do it part.

Now perhaps you’re a member of the lucky sperm club and blessed to be born into $. If that’s the case then you don’t need any of the advice I’m giving. But if you’re like most of us, you gotta figure it out.

Trying to turn my hobbies/passions into businesses is no longer my goal.

Making my business work for my passions has yielded far greater results.

Insuring the fitness company I love is more gratifying and more lucrative than starting one up.

The hospitality group, tortilla chip brand, men’s grooming product line…I can be a part of it all now. And that’s actually really impactful.

I get to go visit, be a part of their professional service team and then leave all the pressures of entrepreneurship and “owning” a business to their founder.

That’s why those guys get the big bucks.

And only after years of working their asses off to become an overnight success and to which no one ever really pays attention to and to which success and a payout is never guaranteed and failure is almost always the ending.

So through consistency, combining personal passion with professional expertise I’ve been able to build something of value.

Not without struggle, compromise, frustrations and the “grass is greener” feelings that creep back in frequently.

But I have no business overhead, no team to manage, no investors to report to.

I’ve been able to pick up some equity along the way, which is great as we’ve tripled in size since I joined and I’d never want to trade places with our ceo or top producers so I accept that they do the heavy lifting and I just do my job. That’s fair.

And as a result I’m a very well compensated guy who gets to be of service, do good work for great clients, host a podcast with amazing guests, workout a lot and spend time with his family.

Don’t only follow your passion. Make it one part of your decision making process.

In Health –

G

My son Harper has this Rolling Stones T-Shirt he wears all the time. Last night at dinner I asked him if he could name any Rolling Stones songs? The answer was “No”, which means I’ve failed as a musical influencer, however immediately he pulled out his phone, which means I’ve failed there to on the no phones at the dinner table rule and he started to rattle off song titles.

He landed on Emotional Rescue. One of my favorites. I’ve never actually paid attention to any of the other lyrics though, I just like the song. The title’s always stuck with me though.

I tend to play and replay situations over and over again in my head. Like an athlete watching game film, trying to see their mistakes, learn from them, study an opponent and improve.

What would I say, if I had to do over again What should I have said? Did I listen to what was actually being said to me and how did I respond?

What would I write, what should I should have written in that email? Or should I have not written or said anything at all?

Do you argue?

Or do you just agree to disagree and move in a different direction.

Did I make the mistake?

Did the other person?

Does it matter? Did we both hear what we wanted to hear and interpret it how we wanted to for our own benefit?

Where was the gap in communication or understanding? Or was there none and the actions that were taken simply don’t match the agreement, communication or directive given that was the clear in the objective in first place?

What do you do?

It’s easy to say “Just move forward.” To try and “Not dwell on things”.

To tell someone “Don’t stew over your mistakes and failures. You either win or you learn”.

But it’s very challenging in practice to apply this consistently and successfully (at least for me it is) and to get out of your own head.

To get out of your own way. To rescue your emotions.

To not want to win (all the time), challenge the status quo, some thing or someone.

When you combine putting a lot of pressure on yourself along with putting a lot of faith in people, it’s a burden.

When part of your ethos is to take business personally.

When you’re prideful, even egotistical, to a degree.

It blinds you at times.

How much more work does it take to be able to let go?

To detach with love, empathy and grace.

Not every deal works out, not every relationship is successful. Why is it so hard to focus on the things that have gone well rather than fixating on the things that have gone wrong?

I’ve been less active this week on social media.

It’s been a long week and I haven’t really been in a pretty picture mindset.

And because I have real shit to deal with, as we all do.

It doesn’t matter what “shit”, we all have our own.

And when this stuff rises, I’m not as inclined to be posting about my food or workouts.

My head isn’t in that space.

And that’s okay.

It’s not my job to have to appear to have it all together all the time.

If anything it’s more of my responsibility to talk, write, display

and be transparent with the reality that it’s not all pretty and picture perfect.

That it takes a whole lotta work to make anything look easy.

And that being real is…Real hard.

Working through adversity, challenges and obstacles is where the true magic is.

But that doesn’t make actually doing it any easier.

That doesn’t make it any more palatable.

That doesn’t give you the ability to just snap your fingers and clear your head.

Some of us…Me, have a really hard time flipping that switch.

No matter how many techniques. You try.

No matter how many books you read, podcasts you listen to experts you hire to help coach you

Sometimes you can’t get out of your own head and it just takes time.

I could write a list of things to do to try and help you get out of your own head, to relax, push past things (breathe, exercise, walk, yoga, pet your dog…See, there’s a list and you already knew everything on it, right?) but based on the emails, DM’s and texts I get weekly perhaps there’s some more value in continuing to acknowledge and be open about the fact that despite appearances, I can assure that there is no “perfect” and that I myself do not always feel like “You’re killin’ it bro” (insert fist bump, bicep, high five, gratitude emoji here…). Although I am thankful to receive the support and despite that I don’t even know most of the people that send me these and they don’t really know me either, it still feels good in some strange 2020 social media, networking, community kind of way.

And it’s not that misery loves company either. I’m not into that. The pity parties. It’s a simple look around. At people, places, things. There is always something to be grateful for. To be learned. To be valued. To give. To support and to be supported.

And to feel.

Spend a little time rescuing your emotions today. It’s pretty powerful.

And crank up the Stones.

In health –

G

Hey guys,

T

hank you so much for your support of the Midlife Male podcast and the newsletter. I really appreciate all the DM’S, messages and questions that come in each week. It means a lot. Please tell your family, your friends, colleagues to subscribe, share the love and keep this movement, growing.  

Also, don’t forget to read thru to the end!  I’ve got an offer from PowerDot, Quick review of the new RHONE board shorts and Lettuce Grow.

So, it turns out I’m not really an introvert after all.

I just wasn’t enjoying what I was doing, the schedule I was keeping and the “obligations” I felt I had.  That’s all gone now. 

When I enjoy things, I’m quite extroverted.  I love getting up Saturday mornings and seeing the people I do my pool workouts with.

I love having my buddies over to the house to exercise and workout with the trainers we use.

We enjoy hosting dinners at our home with our small circle of friends.

There was just a lot of other shit that I didn’t want to do and didn’t enjoy.

So I would say no or turn down those invitations and write myself off as being introverted and the outlier because I didn’t want to do the things that were “expected”.  

It’s always easy to blame ourselves. To think that there’s something wrong with us because everybody else seems to be “doing” it right or. “normal”.

What I’ve found is that there is something for everyone. A place for everyone and a community for everyone. Whoever you are, whatever you are. And there is happiness and enjoyment that you can get out of being a part of it. You just have to find it. You just have to be willing to not compromise or sacrifice who you are.

So I will now proudly say that I am not an introvert.

Yes, I still love staying home and being alone.

That hasn’t changed.

But the realization is that that enjoying spending time alone doesn’t make me an introvert.

Then I discovered an article about ambiverts. The in-betweeners: part introvert, part extrovert. Could that be me? Some researchers say it describes most of us.

The Big Five

The main personality traits or ,The Big Five, as psychologists call them, are:

1. Openness
2. Conscientiousness
3. Extroversion/Introversion
4. Agreeableness
5. Neuroticism

Extroversion/Introversion is just one aspect that we can relate to. They aren’t actually two opposite, separate traits — they’re a spectrum. We can lie anywhere along the scale from extreme introvert to extreme extrovert. This trait mainly describes how someone recharges: Do they get energy by hanging out with others, or do they need alone time to recharge?

But what if you fit both?

I definitely do.

I love people. I’m social. Meeting new people is great and I’m comfortable talking in groups, I’m in sales so I’m always talking and I have long one on one conversations on the podcast.

On the other hand, I get exhausted after being with too many people. My internal life is very active and my active life is well…Very active!  I’m in my head a lot. I need silence to process my thoughts. Alone time is not optional for me — it’s a requirement.

But not too much.

If I have a day to myself, a morning to write a good solo workout or walk, that’s usually more than enough. Then, I’m cool with being around people.

Ambiverts, according to some researchers, are the majority in the middle of the spectrum — not extreme on either trait.

You might be an Ambivert if:

• When you do personality tests you often want to answer: “It depends on my mood/the day/situation.” You don’t feel like either one quite fits you.
• You like the company of others, but then need some alone time.
• You’re talkative and loud in a group sometimes and quiet at other times.
• You often have an internal battle between wanting to spend time alone and wanting to be social.
• You can handle and enjoy most social situations but it is a bit of a challenge at times, especially large crowds or new people.
• Your listening and speaking skills are equally strong. You can easily alter your communication style to suit the person you’re talking to or the situation.
• Some people would describe you as an extrovert and others would say you’re an introvert.
• You get bored with too much time alone, but too much social time is uncomfortable too.

Curious to know what you think?  Where do you fall?  Have you changed your perspective during this time?

Let me know. 

Here’s a few #MidlifeMale approved items I’ve been using and posting about lately.  Follow me on IG to see & learn more. 

PowerDot – I have been using this product for years and recently became an ambassador.  It’s a portable, bluetooth operated TENS unit for recovery.  You place the pads on various parts of your body, open the app, set it and it runs thru its program.  You can walk around while it’s on and experience extended recovery, massage, warmup and other functions.  It’s super small and easy to travel with as well.  Use promo code:  GREG when purchasing.  ALSO!  I have ONE 40% offer available.  Email or DM me and first one received, i’ll send you the code! 

RHONE – Just received some great new shorts from RHONE.  The board shorts for my Saturday XPT pool workouts are terrific.  Put them to the test just yesterday.  They sent me them in red so I felt a little like a Baywatch lifeguard but I actually liked the color and the shorts fit really well and the length was perfect for me at 5’9 and 32′ waist.  On the resort shorts the 32 was too small and legs a bit too tight so size up on those.  They’re a great casual every day short.  If you need a great polo; the commuter polo is ideal.  I wore my first collar shirt in months last week and this one was perfect for the Houston heat. 

Lettuce Grow – GROWING YOUR OWN FOOD HAS NEVER BEEN EASIER. This is a true statement because we suck at growing things and the Lettuce Grow. has been amazing. I got it for kate for her bday and she loves it.  Use code:  FRIEND-5EPT for $50 off and I’ll get $25 towards ordering more seedlings.

How do you like to work?

With what we’re faced with right now it’s become a much talked about topic.

I like to work in places that motivate, inspire and foster productivity and creativity.

I also need an environment that settles me and helps to keep my anxiety, stress and temperament balanced.

For me that’s at home, a gym, restaurant or being in the outdoors is where I feel my best.

When I’m feel my best, I can deliver my best for my clients, colleagues, friends and family.

Environment plays a big role in performance and I’m most productive when I’m comfortable and confident.

I’m not an office guy. Never have been. Makes me very uncomfortable. Getting dressed up, sitting at a desk, water cooler conversations…Never been my thing.

I’m still a professional. Still in a professional service business and still working with and serving professionals. Even better now.

You can do business anywhere, anytime. Whatever your interests are, whatever you are passionate about, whatever your vocation is; there are like-minded people out there pursuing those same passions, those same hobbies, working in those same industries and you can find them on your terms, in the right places, at the right times and genuinely connect and create opportunity.
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Have you given thought to how you like to work, where you like to work and what you like to work on?

Have you created an environment for yourself in which you can be productive, profitable and efficient?

The rules have changed. In fact, there are no rules anymore.

Last week I was talking to one of my buddies; a very successful weight loss specialist and surgeon and he was saying he does his best work and his best thinking in the shower.

Maybe it’s something about water…I don’t know but I do a lot of my best thinking in the shower, ice bath and in water as well.

Thursday I took my paddleboard out to Galveston and actually worked, literally, on the water. Put my phone in the amazing Joto waterproof phone case and didn’t miss a beat. Even took a call from an attorney I’m working with for a mutual client. This call could have easily gone awry and probably would have been a lot more tempestuous and adversarial had I been sitting in my office, dressed up, thinking and acting “corporate” and trying to be something I’m not. But instead we had a very relaxed conversation and made real progress.

Sara Blakely who founded Spanx I read the other day that she does her best thinking in the car so she actually extends her office commute by driving around longer so she can be by herself and get her thoughts and ideas down before she gets to her office.

I tend to take most of my calls in my car or while walking. I meet and invite clients and prospects for workouts, walks or breakfast. Rarely lunch and almost never dinner.

I enjoy being casual at home, having my laptop open, planning and executing my day.

I like being able to get up and snack in between tasks.

When I get stressed, frustrated or anxiety starts to creep in, I can easily get a quick little stretch, walk or exercise in and come back refocused.

I find I’m less argumentative, less easily annoyed. There’s not the same interoffice bullshit, politics and optics to deal with. Everybody is different and there is no one right way. Only a right way for you.

However you prefer to work, lead by example, prove that you can perform in this environment and in the environment that you have created for yourself and be counted on, trusted and results oriented and you’ll be of real value to others.

The home field advantage is gone.

Geography

is no longer the determining factor of whether you can or cannot do business with somebody.

There’s always opportunity in crisis. You can sit at home and wallow in what you can’t do or you can get creative and capitalize.

During this crisis my business has gone national. Over the last few years I’ve worked on transforming my business model, transcending the commodity of the insurance business and building my personal brand by utilizing creative outlets like my podcast, blog, social media, philanthropic ventures, athletic challenges and travel. I’ve sought out opportunities to be of value to likeminded people with similar goals and to combine my personal passions with professional expertise. And now, with COVID there’s actually more business and connections that can be made, anywhere, any place, anytime.

The doors are wide open. You can look the way you want, act the way you want, connect virtually, digitally and when necessary even in person.

If you’re looking for more ideas from creative thought leaders who are far smarter than I am, check out the ONE For TEN Series I’ve been doing each week on @Insgroupinc IGTV. I’ve had some incredible guests like Steve Babcock; Former COO at Vayner Media, Taylor Bennett of MESH Creative and others.

What it all comes down to is capability, authenticity and ability. We’re humanizing all of the processes. No longer do you have to show up in the starched, uncomfortable shirt; in the outfit you don’t want to wear, to the place you don’t necessarily want to go, at the time you don’t want to be there only to be told to wait or to come back or to have your call not taken.

It’s incredible to see what’s happening when people schedule a zoom call these days. They actually get on the call and stick to the agenda.

There is a greater respect for time, connection and referral than ever before.

I’m going to share with you a letter that I put together and sent out to a list I’ve been compiling of around 100 men; predominantly midlife males that I know from the podcast, through business, fitness and personal relationships and it’s about connection thru mutual connection and how to funnel down those connections to the most genuine, the most beneficial, the most efficient way to help us all go from point A to point B whether you’re selling sunglasses, coffee or insurance. It always comes back to who and how.

Who do you know that can help me and how can I connect with them?

Utilizing you network if you already have one or building your network if you’re on the way up is the way business and relationships are going to thrive.

We want to know what to do, who to use, where to turn. How to make our lives easier, better, faster, cheaper, happier, healthier, more productive, more profitable. Give us back our time, extend our runway, help us to survive, see us through until we thrive again. Cut to the chase. When I get those types of recommendations and that advice from somebody that I know and trust, it saves me an inordinate amount of time, stress, anxiety, research and comparison.

“Hey, I know you and trust you. Tell me what to do here”.

It’s like going to the very best doctor out there. Just give me the treatment plan and I’ll follow it.

Focus on building your network, focus on being authentic, focus on connecting with one new person every day, and asking someone you know to connect you to one new person every day, climb the ladder.

In Health

G

The notion that you have to find your “why” and have purpose and passion before you can succeed may be holding you back. ⁣

⁣

While you’re busy trying to find your “why”, life is

busy passing you by. ⁣ Its not waiting.

⁣

Most of us don’t know our “why”. We’re not on a straight path to what we really want to do, who we really want to be and where we’re trying to go.

⁣

If you’re one of those guys who always wanted to be a doctor or save the whales, good for you. Maybe your life’s a little more linear. ⁣

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For the rest of us though navigating thru life is a constant and tremendous whirlwind of uncertainty, consisting of curves, twists, ups, downs, bumps and pivots. And that’s the good part!

⁣

Quite frankly, you may never find your true “why”. And that’s OK too!

In the meantime, get over it and get on with it. There’s a lot of living to do.

⁣

Instead of focusing on “why”, commit to learning “how”.⁣

⁣

How do I create positive opportunities?⁣

⁣

How do I develop a network?⁣

⁣

How do I build a career?⁣

⁣

How do I make the money I want?⁣

⁣

How do I meet the right woman (or man) and have a partner?⁣

⁣

How do I become a good father?⁣

How do I nurture relationships and friendships?

⁣

How do I stay/get in shape?⁣

⁣

How do I eat right?⁣

How do I communicate?

How do I solve “this” problem?

⁣

How do I balance it all?⁣

⁣

How do I live happily? ⁣

⁣

Consider the differences between how and why. ⁣

⁣

WHY indicates curiosity, inquisitiveness, questioning tone, a strong desire to delve deeper. ⁣

⁣

HOW indicates the urge to know the technique, the method, the way or the steps of doing something.⁣

Both are important. Yesterday one of my friends and past MidlifeMale Podcast Guests, Joel “Thor” Neeb sent me this Japanese proverb which states: “Vision without action is daydreaming, but action without vision is nightmare.”

If you’re struggling with finding your why, try shifting your mindset to learning how.

When you learn how to do things and how things work, you may end up finding your why after all. ⁣

If you don’t know how to start, who to ask, where to go, have a mentor or a coach or just have a question, hit me up.

Last week my friend Eric Hinman wrote a post about how he hears from people all the time “I want your life” (and if you look at Eric’s life, it’s pretty easy to see why many would feel that way). We got into this online dialogue about comparison and how it’s easy to look at somebody’s life from afar and say I want your life but the reality is you don’t really know the steps anyone has taken to design the life they live, how they got where they are, what they’re dealing with or the tradeoffs that any life choices come with.

Rather than compare and steal joy, what if you used comparison to learn, glean insight and derive value from others lives that you can apply to how you want to live your own life instead? What if comparison was not the thief of joy but an inspiration or source of joy?

In looking at the lives of others we are seeing what’s possible, what we can bring into our own life, be given the tools to help us better design the life we want to lead and create genuine happiness and fulfillment for ourselves rather than disappointment by comparison to others.

Roosevelt was the one that said comparison is the thief of joy and to a certain extent I believe that.

However, it’s really far more about who you’re comparing yourself to and why that can be the thief of joy because comparison by nature; if managed properly, can also provide a tremendous amount of joy. It’s the “What and who” we’re comparing ourselves to that’s really the determining factor here.

What if it’s not necessary to compare at all? How many times have we used the phrase “There’s no comparison”? That may be the most relatable phrase of all.

If you’re a person like me and go to fewer parties, are part of fewer social circles, not around lots of other people constantly and maybe have fewer close friends and yet comparing yourself to highly social people, it’s not really a valid comparison. It doesn’t necessarily make you antisocial, doesn’t necessarily make you an introvert. You may just not be as extroverted or as social as who you’re comparing yourself to.

We make these similarly based comparisons in all sorts of other areas as well. If you compare yourself to the fittest person you know or that you see on Instagram then by comparison, you’re going to fall short.

If you’re watching trained chefs create amazing dishes and food and comparing your own cooking skills to them, well, you can become easily disappointed.

However, I’d argue that when we compare ourselves to things or people in life in a positive, inspirational and aspirational manner, then comparison becomes a positive.

Try using that comparison to the fit person or the trainer out there to help make yourself a little fitter. Remind yourself that that’s 100% of what they do for their livelihood, their brand and who they are. You’re not competing with that! There’s “No comparison”. They should be far and away better at what they do professionally than what I do a few times a week for fun.

I enjoy cooking and Kate loves to cook. I’m not comparing myself to Seamus Mullen. I love Seamus btw and I love his videos and I can actually follow them, do a pretty decent job but I’m really only concerned with getting the food from the pan to my face. I don’t have a pressure to worry about presentation or impressing anybody but if I can become a little bit better, great!

It’s pretty simple.

When we want to feel better about ourselves and we’ve all done this; you compare yourself to somebody that’s worse off than you.

If you want to make yourself feel pretty bad; compare yourself to people that seem to be way ahead of you.

DON’T DO EITHER!

Take this comparison is the thief of joy thing with a grain of salt.

I believe in comparison. I believe in holding yourself up against your peers and others out there to an extent BUT for the right reasons. So that you can add to your own personal “Purpose, Process and Payoff”. Use comparison to glean certain attributes, skills, ideas, experiences and perspectives and to integrate them into your own life.

We’re all guilty of comparison at times; allow for it to bring us joy rather than to rob us of it.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but this whole quarantine lockdown, work from home thing, new normal is finally beginning to wear on me. And unfortunately it seems like things are going to get worse again before they get better. I hope I’m wrong about this.

I’ve started to retrace my steps. To take a look back on what I wrote when it first started out and how I was feeling then compared to where I’m at right now. Here’s a link to a few of those, posts.

Am I keeping up with what I said I was going to do? Am I acting the way I said I was going to act? Am I taking the positive action steps I outlined and am I actually still walking the walk or have I simply talked the talk?

So I put together a list.

It’s a list of things that I have done since this started and some things I still intend to do.

It’s my list. I’d expect your list can be very different. I don’t know if my list would be considered a lot. I don’t know if it’s enough or if it’s too much.

I don’t know if it’s more or less than anybody else’s. I don’t compare.

One thing I’m certain of is that even in the “old normal”; the former way of life that we used to live in and when we (I say we as a family) were over scheduled, super busy, the kids were coming and going, Kate and I were two ships passing in the wind, there were work meetings, lunches, dinners, parties, sporting events, concerts to go to, practices to go, parent teacher conferences, full calendars and it seemed daunting and all encompassing; even then I still felt like I had time on my hands. That I had downtime and that if I wasn’t using it productively and constructively, then I was lazy.

And now, quite frankly there’s so much fucking time I don’t know what to do with myself half the time! Really, I don’t.

How many new business calls can you make? How many hours a day can you workout? How much can you cook? Certainly there’s a limit to how much shopping you can do! I see the Amazon van more than just about anything or anyone else! How much time can you spend with your wife, before the two of you are just annoying to one another? How much time can you spend with your kids? They need to see other kids more than us! Plus, it’s now 100 fucking degrees here so even being outside is a drain.

There is so much time. One of the things I’m trying to focus on is that it’s ok to chill out. To just relax.

There’s no pressure to write the most brilliant newsletter ever every week or even get it out “On time”.

There’s no pressure to be somewhere.

Hell, there’s really not that much pressure anymore to write business.

Because the days, even the open and free days are hard. I’d argue that those are even the hardest.

Everyone is going through all kinds of different shit and handling it in their own way.

What I feel and what I hope is that we are committing to mentally, physically, financially and emotionally taking care of ourselves however, we possibly can.

I reflect on how fortunate I am to be in the position that I am that I enjoy being around my family, that I enjoy being home, that I enjoy exercising, that I enjoy speaking with my clients, that I enjoy trying to be helpful to businesses and people, that I enjoy getting to compete for opportunities to be valuable.

It’s important to remind yourself of this. To check in with yourself.

I’m extremely grateful and appreciative for where I am right now. But I also acknowledge that wow, what if you’re single? What if you’re not at this stage of your career? What if you’re not that happy in the relationship that you’re in? What if you do have health problems? What if you’ve spent your entire life building a business, and it’s really in bad shape now? What if you’re my kids and you don’t have any of the things that you used to? That’s really hard.

Wearing a mask is not hard. Taking one for the team and putting a mask on if you go somewhere, that’s not that fucking hard. Those other things I described; those are hard. Those are real challenges.

So there it is.

It comes back to gratitude, it comes back to humility, it comes back to accountability, mindset, managing anxiety, stress, navigating through it all and sometimes being okay with just sitting back and telling yourself. “You know what? I got a beautiful four walls around me, a roof over my head, people who care about me, everything that I need around me. I know I can’t do it all right now, but I can do enough, I have enough and I’m going to hang on. I’m going to make the best of the situation and we’re going to get through this.

“People tend to overestimate what they can do in a day and underestimate what they can do in a year”.

Normalize it. Energy and time are currency. Spend them wisely.

Oh, and here’s that I list I mentioned earlier. Maybe it inspires some ideas.

· Grew amazing beard (some would say awful beard)

· Built a home gym

· Invested in key people – my trainer(s) Taj and Will

· Prioritized Recovery and selfcare – Installed a chest freezer for Ice Baths and have infrared sauna on order

· Been cooking…A lot! Got an air fryer, deep fryer, grill accessories and shit ton of new recipes

· Got a new outdoor table and installed overhead fan

· Redecorated the kids rooms and game room; carpet, paint, furniture

· Recorded 10 podcasts

· Writing daily – Putting out the weekly blog/newsletter

· Continuing book project – compiling best of podcast, blogs

· Walking! 1-3 miles almost daily

· Got a puppy! Roxy is the best addition to our family

· Take some road trips – Galveston, Austin, getaway house

· Signed up to get my Motorcycle license

· Written over 100k in NEW Business revenue and staying on pace to annual goal

· Remain focused on taking care of existing clients – Calls, emails, texts. Be there for them

· Launched weekly INSGroup One For Ten series on IGTV

· Guitar – I’m a lot better than I was

· Closet – ditch, donate, streamline. Less choices, more happiness.

· Sending handwritten notes and gifts.

· Walk away from some bad business. No better time to do so!

· Invested in a few businesses and brands that I love and have had the time to dig in and get to know

All right, this is the Independence Day edition of the Midlife Male news letter and it got me thinking about the state of independence and being an Independent Man.

Independent men are typically portrayed as self-made. This is true to some extent, as they work hard to achieve success. A man who is free from the influence or control of another. A man who lives on his own (or with his family) and supports himself (and his family).

Being independent AND being a man plays into choices you make, actions you take, things that you’re passionate about and things that you do for money.

Sometimes, those two things intersect; passion and money.

Often they do not.

It’s something I spend a lot of time on; combining personal passion with professional expertise.

It’s important to me.

It may not be to you.

I’m certain there are many men who can separate the two far better than I or that may not see as much importance in combining them…I totally get that. In fact, I wish I was better at it and am working on that as well.

Both passion and money provide various degrees of independence.

I’ve written before about how I’m not motivated by money and how I really try not to have my life dictated to or by money and finances. Being raised with money and coming to the realization early on that it doesn’t buy happiness has been far more of a driving factor in how I choose to live.

That being said, I have a quality of life that I want to live, quality of life that I want to provide for my family, things I want to do, experiences I want us to have, places I eventually want us to go and a whole laundry list of “bucket” items to tackle.

All of these things do cost money.

And things that cost money force you to make real independent “manly” decisions.

What types of business I engage in, what I accept, reject, choose to bring into my life, choose to give of myself to others and what is the value associated with each decision?

What is the compensation or remuneration that I need to receive in order to give that much of myself and that much of my time to something.

Perfect example, I love doing the podcast. I meet some tremendous people and it has been incredibly rewarding personally and professionally and exceeded everything that I could have possibly thought…But I’m not gonna make a million dollars a year doing a podcast.

I’ll leave that to Joe Rogan.

I have a business that is fortunately very successful, provides a tremendous quality of life and places absolutely no ceiling on my income. I eat what I kill. I build relationships, add value, win more than I lose, work to live and believe that how you do one thing is how you do everything. I understand that concept. It works for me.

And it hard as fuck.

So that’s where I continue to focus in terms of making my living, providing for my family and maintaining my independence.

It’s this business that creates the independence to take on some of my other projects.

The passion projects you might say.

I read that you should find three hobbies you love. One to make you money, one to keep you in shape and one to be creative.

To me, that’s what independence is all about. YOU control every one of those three things.

Being an independent man is based on the choices you make, the things that you do and even more importantly, the things that you don’t do! The people you work with and give your time to and the people you do not.

As more and more things are being taken away from us due to situations, conditions and circumstances beyond our control, there is a greater need and importance in being independent financially, resourcefully, spiritually, mentally, physically and even materially.

To be an independent thinker.

Are you able to take care of yourself? Are you able to take care of those around you? Are you taking care of your personal happiness? Are you able to remain positive, work through adversity and put yourself in a position to mitigate some of that adversity?

That’s independence.

That’s true Independent Spirit.

That is the discipline it takes and that discipline is what creates freedom.

And that is the real beauty of this country.

That we all have the freedom, independence and ability to create a life and livelihood for ourselves.

Happy 4th (on the 5th) to all the Independent Men out there holding it down and handling your shit.

In Health –

G