Hey guys,
I’m on a plane right now headed to Cali for Ohana Fest – Two nights of Pearl Jam on the beach courtesy of an amazing friend. I’m sitting next to my 52-year-old wife, who fortunately looks 32 and it got me thinking about (No, not joining the Mile High Club) but rather myths of Midlife…
That it’s a crisis
That you get laid less
That you slow down
That it’s boring
That you stop taking risks
That you stop playing
That there’s less romance
That you don’t spend as much time with your kids
That it’s too late to change careers, get back in shape, do something new…
That the best days are behind you
Yup, that’s a lot more than 5 and none of it sounds all that great…So, let’s do two things:
1) Narrow it back down to 5 because “How do you eat an elephant?”… “One bite at a time” and 5 seems like a manageable number
2) Bust these 5 myths of midlife and get back to living better, happier, stronger, healthier lives (which includes more sex and more money, and what guy doesn’t want that?)
Myth #1 – Midlife is the Midpoint of Our Lives:
I have no idea where “Midlife” actually begins anymore. I know some very old 30-year-olds and some very young 60-year-olds. I’m 48, feel like I’m 28, and just getting started. We are living longer and have the ability, experience, science, knowledge, and opportunity to be alive and to thrive well into our 80’s, 90’s and before long 100’s (not that I’m totally on board with all this anti-aging hacking but…) So, let’s say we place Midlife closer to age 50 and moving toward 60. This means, at our current midlife point, many of us will have 30, 40, or even 50 years ahead of us. I’ll not only take that but make the most of it.
Myth #2 – Midlife Means Midlife Crisis:
The phrase “midlife crisis” was coined by Elliott Jaques in 1965 in an attempt to capture the shift in identity and self-confidence that occurs as we transition to the next stage of life. It’s associated with anxiety, depression, resentment, remorse, a desire for drasticness, and generally other things that suck. But it doesn’t have to suck. What if Midlife explores the experience of balancing work, life, family, health and fitness, money, style, and fun and how to live the best life possible without regret. The “Middle” is the sweet spot. It’s the notion that wherever this tipping point is, is the beginning of the next and best phase of our life. What if Midlife is about having both substance and style, punching the bully in the mouth, emphasizing experiences over things, quality over quantity. About learning and living; trying, failing, and ultimately succeeding. Not trying to fit in or conform, but embracing love, iconic, classic, and timeless style. Midlife is about being a great father. About understanding that there are no things more valuable than time, health and family. Midlife is about knowing when enough is enough and the time of your life where experience, perseverance, discipline, and having fun are most meaningful.
Myth #3 – At Midlife, My Best Years Are Behind Me
This is just crap. Stop assuming that if we are not fulfilled by a certain “midlife age number”, that we never will be. In fact, the happiness curve shows that other things being equal, the best in life is yet to come. I give way less fucks now in my late forties, take far more chances, embrace failure and success far more positively and perhaps I’m just a late bloomer and slow learner but feel like I’m just now hitting my stride personally and professionally. In 2011, a study led by the Stanford University psychologist Laura Carstensen concluded: “Contrary to the popular view that youth is the best time in life, the present findings suggest that the peak of emotional life may not occur until well into the seventh decade.” So, enough with the false assumptions that we peak in middle age. It not only makes midlifers unnecessarily pessimistic; it also fuels the stereotype of the burnt-out, bitter elder, which in turns fuels age discrimination that leaves vast reservoirs of experience and creativity underused. In the US, studies find that people aged 55-65 are more likely to start companies than those aged 20-34, and that older workers are just as productive as younger ones (and increase the productivity of those they work with). But you would never guess this from the way we think and talk about aging. (The Guardian)
Myth #4 – I’m Unhappy and Unsuccessful.
Not necessarily. Often, midlife boredom, complacency, and a general feeling of “Is this it?” comes from a place of, we’ve just been on this planet a while, doing a lot of the same shit, dealing with a lot of responsibilities and challenges and we just want to feel more energized, inspired and have a purpose. Most of the midlife men I know are for the most part “happy” & very “successful” by all public measures, stereotypes, and from the outside looking in, but they’re starting to question things, which is a good thing, and simply wanting some help with reclaiming, repurposing and redefining what’s truly important to them. It’s not about quitting your job, buying a sports car, or looking for love in all the wrong places. Rash & quick decisions won’t get you out of your rut, or keep you from going into one. Play the long game.
Myth #5 – It’s Too Late To Change Careers, Get Back in Shape, Do Something New
You’ll regret the things you don’t do, not the things you do. When is the right time to start? Anytime. Right now actually. There will never be a perfect time whether you’re 28 or 58 so as Nike says “Just Do it”. Now, this comes with a caveat. You’ve got to be responsible. If you can’t afford to quit your job and follow your passion, don’t be stupid and irresponsible at middle age or any age. You CAN, however, make a plan to make a change, start working on that plan, and over time accomplish your goal. You can also just take a Billy Crystal in City Slicker’s type break and come back recommitted to just doing your current job better n the US, studies find that older workers are just as productive as younger ones (and increase the productivity of those they work with) and that people aged 55-65 are more likely to start companies than those aged 20-34. In fact, the happiness curve shows that other things being equal, the best in life is yet to come. As we traverse our 50s, 60s, and 70s, aging makes us more positive and equable, and less stressed and regretful. As far as taking back your health, spending more time with your family, getting back into some hobby’s and having more fun; start doing that today!
What other myths did I miss? Or more importantly, what are you finding is true about Midlife? LMK
