I’ve been THAT guy.
The guinea pig, the trial and error, the success and failure over and over again, the give it a shot guy.
I’ve been that guy who had to have all the answers, be right all the time, own every conversation, win every negotiation and believed that I had control over things, that I could handle it all, that I could chase down what I wanted or outrun what I didn’t.
I’m also the guy who can attest that pretty much nothing I believed and pretty much none of the actions that I was taking were resulting in better relationships, better health, better finances, better business and better almost anything…
Yet, while all of this was going on internally in my life, from the outside looking in, you would have had no idea because on paper (and in pictures) and I don’t think I’m alone here, it all looks pretty good.
You’re in good shape.
You have a beautiful family.
Your kids are going to private school.
You live in a nice house.
You’re driving nice cars.
You dress well.
You look pretty popular and surrounded by friends.
All of this can be true and for all intents and purposes, it is, but you can also be completely unfulfilled.
You could also feel like you’re in complete disarray and out of balance.
You could be winning daily battles yet losing the war on life.
You could be overcomplicating pretty much everything, be in denial and ignoring all of the signs that tell you over and over again or signal you that what you’re doing is not sustainable, is not working and is not the answer longterm.
You are chasing instead of letting things happen.
You are focusing on the wrong things.
You were doing things for others before yourself.
You are doing things that are inauthentic to you by nature.
You’re pushing the sale.
You’re talking when you should be listening.
You are over-training.
You are under-resting.
You’re following instead of leading, and you sure as shit are not really practicing what you preach.
Like many of you, I was just doing a lot of different shit. Throwing it against the wall, and trying to see what would stick.
I was rudderless.
Oh, you want me to be this type of person, and maybe you’ll buy from me? Great. I’ll try to chameleon myself into that kind of person for a little while.
Oh, I need to be at this event tonight, and I need to be up early the next morning? Yeah, I can do both.
Oh, we went out to dinner as a family. We said seven words to each other, took a great photo. Boom. Check the box. That’s not quality time and communication.
Oh, I wrote a bunch of new business this year, stayed in The Presidents Club and accomplished my, quote-unquote, “goal”.
But what wasn’t I doing? What choices was I making?
Did I reach out and help anybody else achieve their goal?
Did I not find the time to talk to that financial advisor?
Did I not reach out to that friend I hadn’t talked to in a while?
Did I still find the time to make one more stop at Lululemon on the way home to buy something I absolutely didn’t need so that I could get that temporary dopamine retail therapy rush that made me feel good because, god dammit, this week, I earned it?
When you really get down to it and pull your head out of your ass it’s all on you to continue to work on yourself.
This conversation has happened time and again (approaching 100 MidlifeMale Podcast Episodes so I would hope I’ve learned something by now) over the past two years, and I can tell you the following with 100% certainty: YOU are the only one who can truly help you achieve the happiness and the life that you want.
You can surround yourself with great people in every one of these areas, in coaching, in therapy, in food, in fitness. You can join the board of various charities.
You can do all of these things, but unless you are truly committed to getting uncomfortable and doing the hard work on yourself, it doesn’t matter.
Week after week these are the little hacks.
These are the little tweaks.
A few tips and advice to share, some different viewpoints, philosophies and things that you can employ in your day-to-day life and I encourage you to try them and listen to the guys who’ve come on the Podcast. However, don’t get me wrong here, they do not take the place of doing the actual work.
Streamlining your wardrobe will make you feel a little bit better, give you a little bit more confidence.
Making some more money will provide you some opportunities that you didn’t have before that you could enjoy.
Saving some more money will give you a level of confidence and freedom that you didn’t have before.
Eating better will give you more energy and health benefits.
Spending some time on your fitness will improve just about everything.
Using a great face wash will make your skin more radiant.
Insert your own “Thing” that you know you should be doing and you’re just “Not” here.
At the root core however, at the true depth of all of it, you need to believe in yourself.
You need to work on yourself daily and the work needs to be authentic and wired straight to who you are, what you are about and who you want to be.
If it’s not genuine, vulnerable and transparent and you can’t wear it on your sleeve every day as a true representation of your identity then none of the other superficial, overcomplicated, acquired possessions, trappings of success or false positives are going to provide satisfaction.
I do not care at what age or what stage of life you’re in right now.
It is not too late.
You might be getting a late start.
I was told this the other night at dinner for something I was looking into. “Yeah, you’d be getting a late start.” Fuck that.
A late start is better than no start!
We are living longer, we are living better and we have the capacity to achieve more in life.
Do not ever use a late start as an opportunity or an excuse not to start.
Get after it.
