Be careful what you make fun of; someday it could be you.
“There but for the grace of God go I” is the more serious way to say it, I suppose.
What comes to mind for me is Monty Python’s Life of Brian when John Cleese, as the religious leader presiding over the stoning ceremony, chastises a guy for prematurely throwing a stone at the condemned. Cleese then gets pummeled by a hailstorm of stones thrown from the mob when he accidentally utters, “Jehovah.”
But maybe that’s just me.
Judging others makes it easy to close yourself off to what others are trying to tell you.
Maybe you should have paid attention to what you were judging five years earlier. Maybe that IPO wasn’t as doomed as you said it was when your friend tried to get you in on it at the beginning. Maybe sometimes the idiot is you. And if that’s the case, acknowledge it, laugh about it, and move on.
I’ve been very slow to realize how judgy I can be. Big things, little things, they all get to me. I wish they didn’t, but they do. It’s something I work on constantly. From the demoralizing tragedies in the world (senseless mass shootings of innocent people at schools, places of worship, and workplaces) to the emotional (my kids dealing with interpersonal issues at school) to the personal (my hamstring hurts, a deal not going the way I’d like) to other people being assholes (somebody making an illegal U-turn or cutting in line) …there’s a shitload of things to pass judgment about.
My friend Taylor Somerville wrote on his blog, The Long Game, that “I used to struggle with giving people the benefit of the doubt. I would typically assume the worst, that someone was acting out of malice or maybe they were lazy. Over the years, I realized this is not the best mindset to have because it only adds stress to your life, which none of us really need.
Why can we be so quick to judge others? Why do we hold them to the same standards we hold ourselves?”
He’s right.
I had a dad write to me in response to a decision I had made that he clearly did not agree with that, “The only logical explanation I can come up with is that you must be threatened by me in order to do this.” He then went on to tell me all about the various things going on in his life and made judgment after judgment and assumption after assumption about mine. Never once asking, only telling.
Once I began to stop judging people, I realized just how much people judge one another. What I can confirm about worrying about what other people think is that nobody really cares about the things you’re worried about or the “why” behind your decisions; they only really care about themselves and how it affects them.
Gary Vee put out a great quote that said “99.9% of people that judge you or have opinions on you, have no idea what the fuck is actually happening in your life.”
What happens when you stop judging and making assumptions is that you free up a lot of mental, physical, and emotional capacity. I never realized how draining passing judgment is until I made a conscious effort to stop doing it!
“Be strict with yourself but forgiving of others” (another gem from Taylor). It’s true. By letting go, moving on, not fighting every little thing, and taking control of that which only YOU can control, you experience less stress, less anxiety, less pressure, and conversely gain more energy, more positivity, and more time to focus on the things and people that you actually do give a fuck about.
Judging others is a quick way to end up alone. So is allowing the judgment and opinions of others to influence you. People often shy away from judgmental friends and acquaintances. Most people prefer relationships with those who are accepting and empathetic. Whether you are trying to enrich your relationships or hoping to overcome inborn prejudices, it can help to avoid passing judgment. By making an effort to understand others, focusing on shared humanity, and keeping watch of your judgmental quirks you can improve your interactions with others.
You may even find you’re less judgmental of yourself, which is just as damaging as the judgment you cast on others.
If you’re serious about looking for the best in other people, not jumping to conclusions about their motives and inabilities, and giving them the benefit of the doubt that you ask for when you do something stupid then you’ve got a supporter in me, brother.
In Health –
G
