I find myself fixated lately on focusing on the long game and experiences, not one big moment. As I’ve gone back and listened to a lot of the podcasts I’ve done as part of working on my book project, I’ve been reminded of the importance of Family and friendship and how vital it is to keep those two things front and center. This was a standout moment for me in a standout conversation with Grammy Winning songwriter & producer Billy Mann that I wanted to share with you.
“The Hit Life is the cornerstone of my life. It applies well beyond songwriters. Finance, venture capital, real estate, school teachers…our achievements the way that society pushes us is too big milestone moments. I’ve seen a lot of people in the music industry get caught up in that. It makes sense: make your first million, or a #1 hit, or get a car or a house. But we attach ourselves to these locations that validate the work we’re doing. A lot of songwriters focus on the hit song moment. It’s a rush hearing your song on the radio over and over, there’s a financial windfall, it validates what you do. But that moment doesn’t last long in the scheme of a person’s life.
“When you hit one of those milestones there’s an understandable human arrogance that comes into play. You just think you’ll keep repeating it over and over. All likelihood, it won’t. I’ve witnessed a lot of really talented people I love spend their lives in pursuit of that hit song moment—in business, it’s, ‘I built this company and sold it,’ only to find themselves on the other side of it still unhappy and unfulfilled. In years of seeing my colleagues and friends, I see that it doesn’t ensure a larger secure platform of happiness.
“I would say any healthy relationship needs that kind of transparency. You want a great marriage, you want a great business partnership, you want great friends? If you’re faking any of it, then you’re never going to know how real it is or how real it can be, or how not real it is. It’s scary for anybody to be transparent. Anybody certainly struggles with the three tiers of their lives: your outward persona, your public life. And then you have your personal life. And then you have your secret life. Nine times out of 10, that’s how people function. To be able to accomplish a through-line, real consistency through those three levels—it doesn’t mean you have to tell your secret life to someone you just met—but it means that the level of integrity is commensurate with the level of intimacy with the people that you engage with.” Billy Mann
If the value of getting vulnerable is news to you, then there’s no time like the present to flip the script.
My guess is you’ve heard this plenty, but it’s easy for men to ignore. If life is going well, then we don’t want to take time to dive deeper, to reflect on what’s going on behind the success.
Hell, that kind of self-awareness might ruin what has us looking good to the world! And if things are in the crapper, we sure don’t want to ask for support or an alternative way. We might accidentally expose a weakness that someone might use against us!
The Hit Life is all about quality over quantity. When you raise intimacy with others, you raise your integrity. Then the quality of your relationships goes higher and the quality of your life follows. Commitment to the Hit Life helps you avoid the traps that grown men seem to climb into when it comes to interacting with other human beings.
You can go for a hit song in your areas of interest in life, but don’t let it deter you from the Hit Life.
Keep your eye not just on the ball but on the larger experience.
Instead of setting a goal of a certain amount of money, focus on defining abundance and financial security.
Instead of bragging about your big vacation, think of how big the world is and where else would be meaningful to you.
Instead of putting up with co-workers, clients or bosses who sap your energy, create situations where you work with people you love on collaborative projects that inspire you—where negativity and the crush of trying to take credit for success aren’t going to destroy the good vibes.
The Hit Life is centered on the heart; the hit song is all about the ego.
Anybody driven enough to attain something that looks glamorous CAN get it. The question is at what cost.
If you’re focused on making a million dollars or six-pack abs or a c-suite position, you can get it.
You may not get anything else, develop any other discernible skills or emotions, and you may destroy people, property, and perhaps yourself in the process, but you can get it.
Once you get there, don’t expect to feel fundamentally different though. You’re as complete or as broken as you were before you embarked on that quest.
In Health – G
