I didn’t give you the whole story in Wednesday’s column about college sports and Michigan winning the national title (check it out here), and I’ve had lingering thoughts about the experience that I wanted to share, because maybe some of you go through the same things as I do. 

As much “fun” as I had during my college years, they aren’t a time in my life that I look back on with a lot of pride and happiness. My dad had just died and I was angry, reckless, hiding in alcohol and women, a very lost kid trying to outrun himself and his pain. I was bestowed two nicknames; neither of them good.  Both of them, well deserved. “Princess”, for my privileged (ie: spoiled) upbringing and “Reckless Youth”, for the behavior I was exhibiting. 

There were good people at Michigan and in my fraternity. There were some great ones as well,  but I wasn’t in a place to build the kind of relationships that last for decades. I didn’t put in the reps, I didn’t prioritize it, and when you don’t build it then, there isn’t much to nurture later. 

I wish it had been different, but I don’t sit in that regret anymore. It’s bittersweet. I can look at a lot of these guys now, guys I know, guys I’m friendly with, some I call real friends, and I can appreciate what they have without pretending I share it. I can be happy for them in a way I couldn’t have been earlier in my life because I’ve come into my own now, and I understand that what they built is real and valuable, it’s just not mine.

At the same time, how you make decisions matters just as much as what you choose. I could have gone to Indy, spent the money, lost sleep, eaten like shit, sat in a crowded stadium surrounded by a lot of drunk people, and been part of that experience. Or I could do what I did, take care of myself, be present with my family, eat well, feel good, and still enjoy the game. Both are valid (and great) choices, they just lead to different outcomes and memories. One works for me at this time in my life, the other does not. I’ve learned that through experience. 

And here’s the flip side to that: if I invited all of those same guys to do what I did that night, most would say ‘no’, and that’s fine, because over the years I have said ‘no’ to some of their stuff too. But it doesn’t change our friendship.

Listen, it’s okay to be different from your friends. 

You can like them, respect them, appreciate what they have built, and still not want the same things. I don’t feel the same loyalty to a team, school, or a sport the way they do. I don’t feel it in my gut the way I feel energized from actually doing something; training, building, creating, climbing, spending time with my family, investing in my life as it is now.  

I know this may be unique to me, but thinking about college brings up a past that I personally don’t feel great about revisiting, while the other feels like a present and future that I’m excited about. When I talk about being in the arena. It isn’t about being a spectator. 

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That used to create conflict for me, that feeling of being on the outside of something I thought I was supposed to care about more, the FOMO, the comparison, the quiet question of whether I missed something along the way. 

I do think it’s awesome though. I watch, enjoy, reminisce and am glad I have the experience and connection in my life for exactly what it is.  

Now, there’s resolution in it because I’ve built something else. My best years are happening now. Not my teens, not college or even the decade plus after, but right now. And that didn’t happen by accident. It came from doing the work, figuring myself out, finding my people, building a life that actually fits me. Some guys peak in college and carry that forward for life, some build lifelong brotherhoods there, some don’t. Some have great high school years and struggle in college, some the opposite, and some of us had neither. I know a few who seemingly have all of the above. 

The key is not where you started, it’s whether you keep moving forward and actually do the work to find yourself, to build your life, to create your own version of community and connection.

There’s also something else in all of this that matters more than the games or the trips, and that’s the reminder that relationships don’t just exist, they require participation. They require time, consistency, shared experiences, and a willingness to keep showing up. You don’t get 30 years of connection by accident. You also don’t need to replicate someone else’s version of it to have something meaningful in your own life. The mistake most guys make in midlife is thinking they missed their window, that if they didn’t build it earlier, it’s gone. It’s not. You just have to build it differently now, with intention, with discipline, with clarity around what actually matters to you.

I can sit there and read the group text chain, the gratitude for Michigan, for the team, for the chance to be together, the stories of indulgent meals, center court seats, the laughs, the inside jokes, and I can genuinely appreciate it. 

I can also recognize that I’m not wired the same way and that my life has taken a different path. Both things can exist at the same time without conflict. That’s the shift. That’s the growth. That’s what midlife offers you if you’re paying attention.

Go Blue! 

In Health, 

Greg Scheinman

Founder, Midlife Male

Husband. Father. Entrepreneur. Coach.

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